I received a warm bear hug from my youngest when she arrived home. She said, “Thank you Mommy.”
She held on for a few seconds longer than normal and it was long enough for her siblings to look on quizzically and asked,
“What is going on?”
Well to explain, I needed to tell them about the "drama" which ensued earlier in the day.
As you know, everyone is different, so what is a molehill for one is a mountain for others. That was the case for my 16 year old daughter. She left home timely, in order to arrive on time for a bus that would leave for a school trip to the Dutch Parliament. As she did not need her schoolbag for this trip she left her national ID in her school bag. She realised as soon as she arrived at the bus and called me. As traffic's rerouted in my neigbourhood, it's unusually busy and took longer than normal to get to her. As a result, I saw the bus departing and could do nothing about it.
My daughter was almost in tears inside the bus. She is at a new school and does not want to stand out. She is normally organised so she berated herself. I took a front and back photo of the ID and text it to her. That was the most I could do or drive to The Hague. She was annoyed with herself and said the following:
part of the text from my daughterShe was driving herself crazy and I tried my best via text to calm her down since calling was not convenient. After listening for a while, I asked her if she was convinced that all her thoughts were reality. She laughed and said that it was an interesting question. She said she could not be sure.
We text for for about a half of the journey. I told her things do not always go as planned but we cannot wallow in our misery for too long. She sent a smiley emoji. 😀 Since what happened is already done, things need to be calmly handled and we hope for a good outcome. She agreed. I sent her jokes and reminded her of times when her parents were teenagers and messed up and of her adult parents making mistakes. She said she understood then added,
"Mistakes can happen and we have to focus on a solution."
Phew - a breakthrough. She sounded wise but was still annoyed with herself. I told her to forgive herself and do something nice, like enjoying her classmates and the beautiful landscape. I can help her with my words but in the end she needs to take action.
She decided to listen to music since the classmates she is closest to, had arrived late and were in the other bus. (It really was not her morning.) She seemed less stressed though - the texting stopped.
So what was the reality:
Drama averted!!
Calm on the Adriatic sea - August 2017
This situation might not seem like a big deal but to her it was. She has to learn that life is not always "smooth sailing". The wind can cause turbulence but without it - we do no get anywhere. That is how we learn and grow. 😀
There are many things that I could have said which would have only cause upset. This was not the time for blaming and/or shaming. These lessons are simple ones which are really about parenting.
Flexibility is always needed as teenagers do not always know what they want or change their minds frequently. What is interesting is that there has been other situations which I would consider more difficult, that she figured out for herself. As a parent, I love my children and want the best for them. Sometimes all I can do is go with the flow - only trying to steer them in the right direction.
I recognise that teenagers need space to development and to learn responsibility as they grow and change. I try to be honest and open and I am the first to admit when I do not have the answer or need to think about one. In this situation, we just needed to be patient as the teachers needed to assist.
I also realise that this is a confusing and emotional time. Teenagers need their parents in every phase of their development but in different ways at different times. They left childhood to adolescence - then they are heading towards adulthood. Our parenting styles have to adapt as they develop. It is important for me to be there but to know when to let go as well.
I felt good as I was there for my daughter in the best way I could be. I felt that it was truly a mothering moment. It not always blue skies and smooth sailing. There is sometimes turbulence and one needs to learn to navigate the waters. This situation was a small "turbulence" and only an example of a small thing from a day in my life. However, knowing how to navigate the various situations is imperative. I think any mother would do the same but we all have our own way of doing things.
This morning she needed me - other times she doesn't. I did what I could and the best part is that she felt that I helped her - hence the bear hug.
All photos are my own
This is my response to Hive Learners - In The Last 24 Hours
Pick just one thing you did in the last 24 Hours and tell us all about it. Only one, you don't need to tell us all about your day. Why did you do that particular thing? What's it's importance to you as an individual?!