Way back when, I was 17 years old the year Duke Nukem 3D changed the FPS forever. Still one of the most enjoyable, ree-dick-u-lus games ever made, Duke 3D went mano-a-mano with ID Software's Quake. In the years following Duke's alien-fraggin' escapades, there was other games what used its Build Engine to create their own boomstick sim-ya-la-ters, and thus come the Holy Build Trinity: 3D Realms' Duke Nukem 3D from 1996 (The Father), their follow up title Shadow Warrior from 1997 (The Son), and Blood from Monolith Productions later that same year (The "Holy SHEEIT!").
But then from 1997 come another Build Engine game from developer Xatrix Entertainment: Redneck Rampage entered, stage left, with all the gumption of a loud fart in an empty grain silo. As someone who spent his early years on a rural Indiana farm, I was on Redneck Rampage like stink on shit. But just like those good ol' boys on the Dukes of Hazzard, I learned a val-a-bull lesson that day -- when folks promise y'all a game with "all the killin'" but "half the intelligence", do yourself a favor.
Believe them sumbitches.
Now I ain't gon' say there ain't nothing at all good about this here game. There's a lot of hard work Xatrix put into them purty new textures, an' that newfangled CD thingy sure got some great rockabilly music from the likes of Reverend Horton Heat and Mojo Nixon, an' some them levels do sumpin' interestin' wit' the ar-kee-tek-shure, like a pick-up truck zoomin' 'round the road what don't brake for nobody.
An' Redneck Rampage sold reel well. So well it done gave birth to two add-on packs (y'all call 'em "Dee El See" these days), a spin-off called Redneck Deer Huntin', and a downloadable "cuss pack" for a buck which added more profanity than an Arkansas swap meet. Xatrix aimed this here game right at the "heart of the Deep South Wal-Mart crowd", and give 'em their due, they done scored a die-rekt hit on the ol' bullseye. If you ain't never played no other shooter, it's easy to unnerstand y'all might coulda liked it.
But the music an' little surprises Xatrix sprung on you from time to time are about all the shits I kin give. See, you gots to get a few things right with a shooter (beyond the controls, ya reckon), and them's the weapons, the enemies, an' the level dee-sign, and Redneck Rampage earns make-yor-Pappy-proud 'kindergarten drop-out' marks in all them spots on the ree-port card. This here's where that "half the intelligence" promise come home to roost, 'cuz even the first level is as frustratin' as reaching the County Fair and seein' yer ol' nem-uh-sis Lester makin' off with the last deep-fried Twinkie. That asshole.
Come to find out, Redneck Rampage is a game which sounds amusing in theory, but it's got a whole mess o' unsightly flaws once you peel back the paneling, an' while I don't 'member whut I paid for muh copy back in '97, I unnerstand now I shoulda jes' picked up extra feed for muh hawgs.
But look here city slicker, I tell you whut: if yer so sure y'all 'r' better 'n' us slow-pokin' country bumpkins, jes' y'all mosey on over to the ol' "Gee Oh Gee" place, where'n y'all can getcherself the whole ding-dang three games, includin' yer very own Cuss Pack, for less'n the cost to fill up yer cute li'l two wheel drive see-dan there.
Don't say I didn't warn yuh. And don'cha come back now, y'hear?!