Not that you had much choice in the matter or anything, but let us pretend for a moment that it is a rank we have been eagerly striving toward. Okay, the moment has passed.
Trying to act like an adult—“adulting,” you might say—is intimidating, and yet we are left with little choice but to figure out how to do so.
In the halcyon days of my youth I ran around outside a lot, read lots of tales filled with adventure, and hardly ever comprehended the fact that such blissful days would be temporary. Sure, my trivial cares seemed like heavy burdens at times—being denied a McDonalds’ Happy Meal was always a great matter of injustice--but any burdens adults faced seemed so far beyond my reality. Then I turned thirteen. My child status was robbed from me without warning. I could no longer accurately call myself a child because of that silly word “teen” in my age (nor did I necessarily want to be called a child anymore), but at the same time I did not feel a teenager. I was, as it were, basically a nomad. A couple years went by and I felt and acted like a teenager—moody, lovesick, awkward—eagerly anticipating the day when I could be a “grown up.” It did not take long for me however, to begin to dread the impending onset of adulthood as newfound responsibilities piled up around me.
Fast-forward several more years and I am now what you might call an adult. The truth of the matter is, I may be called that, but I am still trying to figure out what that means and how to fulfill that title well. While I may still be new to this stage of life—one that I must embrace seeing as I will be in it for the rest of my existence—I wanted to share some of the ways I am finding help take a bit of the “sting” off of adulthood.
Unfortunately, that statement has come to sound cheesy rather than inspiring, but it is nevertheless a truth we would do well to heed. Being an adult will always hold difficulties because of the responsibilities that come with it, but maybe if we realized that we are not alone it would help take some of the intimidation and frustration out of those difficulties. While those difficulties may not look the same for everyone, they are nevertheless difficulties. I know I am not the only one paying bills each month or facing unexpected expenses (a trip to the hospital a couple of weeks ago wasn’t exactly on my planned list of to-do’s), and I find it incredibly encouraging when I recognize that many of those around me are in similar situations.
It’s quite simple: be a listener. I can attest to the fact that when I choose to focus less on my issues and instead offer an “ear to hear,” I find myself benefiting just as much as the other person. While there is definitely a time to be listened to, it’s good to adopt a general practice of being a listener. As much as I like to vent to my husband and share my struggles—and there is nothing wrong with that, by the way—I am amazed at how much better I feel when I choose to listen. What I mean by that is, when someone needs to share their struggles, sometimes our natural tendency is to interrupt them with our own struggles rather than just listening. Our intentions may be good—maybe we are sharing the fact that they are not alone in struggling—but there is also nothing worse than feeling like someone is trying to one-up someone with what’s going on in his or her life. The world desperately needs more listeners—be one.
Listening to one another is a great way to be encouraging, but when opportunity arises to offer verbal encouragement, be an encourager. The world is disheartening enough without people diligently trying to support and uplift one another. Surround yourself with people who encourage you and encourage them, too. I am grateful to have a husband, family, and friends who encourage me in every circumstance, good and bad. Furthermore, as someone who is prone to worrying a lot, I can attest to the healing that comes from being encouraged, as well as from being an encourager. We are not meant to carry our burdens alone.
One important lesson I have learned as an adult is that few people truly have it “together,” and it is not really all that healthy to act like you do. Life will always hold struggles—some seasons more than others—but there is power in being honest about one’s struggles rather than trying to hide them. Not only can this honesty be of encouragement to those around you, but it can also help one feel less isolated from others. Hiding whatever we are going through won’t make the problem go away, but it might push others away. I regret the times in my life where I have struggled with something and chose not to talk about it or seek help. Instead of watching the struggle become less and less, I feel smothered and filled with bitterness toward others and myself. That’s one reason why I try my best in my job to always be kind, regardless of how I am treated. Perhaps that woman who snapped at me for seemingly no reason is actually carrying a burden she desperately wants to let go of, but is too afraid to talk about. In this crazy age of social media, we (myself included) have a rather bad habit of only exposing that which will make our lives appear perfect. Be honest about your struggles, as well as understand that people tend to hide their pain.
No, being an adult will likely never be easy, but perhaps we have the power to make it a little easier than we think.
