Love has been captured by figures of all sorts of feelings and emotions. It is said that you can truly love only three times in your life; that a relationship has the first moment of crisis after the first four months; that love lasts only three years; that the suffering in love disappears only after half the time spent with the loved one ...
But what period of validity does love actually have? "The tragedy of love is that it fails to overcome temporal dimensions. When you are with your current lover, the thought of your own indifference to your ex-lovers is a special cruelty. It is terrible to think that the person you are sacrificing today may, in a few months, make you cross the street (or the bookstore) to avoid it, "writes Alain de Botton in Eseuri in love, in a chapter which is called "Intermittents of the heart".
Because this is about "one of the greatest disadvantages of love is that, at least for a while, it is in danger of making us happy" and then we try to ensure / protect the continuity and continuity of love through language. Whose stability only fills our undead, intermittents, whims. Wondering all of Alain de Botton as much as the mobility and inconsistency of our emotions and feelings can the words convey. How much of the potential of boredom, irritation, indifference, curiosity, and predisposition to temptation can include the words of love? It's like in the mbbebius-structure of David Byrne's relationships: nearness - knowledge - pleasure - love - devouring - digestion - consuming - destruction - compassion - rejection - abhorrence - ignorance - forgetting - discovery -
Can words to correctly reflect the ambivalence to which emotions are destined? I can not, and because we sometimes see this, we are looking for various strategies to force the heart to love forever.
The most legal but not necessarily legitimate being marriage. So, "I love you!" But what guarantees of sustainability does this statement provide? We say or hear "I love you!" And our imagination adds "tomorrow, and always". Our mind changes the verbal time to the future: "I will love you!", "Always", of course. But "I will love you!" Can only be followed "as long as I love you!". For any declaration of love is a false promise outside the moment it is spoken. We do not know or do not want to accept that because we do not need annotations when we love, we suppose, moreover, we think they are. But perhaps we do not ask for explanations and guarantees, and because we know in the subconscious that we are not able to give them that feelings in the time equation are beyond our powers. Our impulsive (so affected) desire of imagination adds to itself the false guarantees: "I love you!" So "forever!". And that comes from vanity. Julian Barnes says very well in the essay book, Levels of Life, noting that the failure of former lovers, their lack of resilience in love, promises the success of the new lover, who, being the chosen moment, invests himself with the powers and qualities needed for eternal love. Every loved one, caught in the spell of the danger of being happy, gives his presumption of ideal, so of eternity. Just being unique and dispensable at the same time!
We are inconstant, we change with the cells in our body, when we wake up, we are more or less of those we were when we were sleeping, we are dependent on psychic, sex, intelligence, tenderness, weather. Sometimes, however, we love (not) a mix of greed and curiosity. We love not much and eternally because we want to love a little and repeatedly. Either because it fascinates the flavor of the beginnings, or because we find in diversity a vacuum in antidote. Besides, it's easier to fall in love than to get to love, and love for someone does not rule out the desire for someone else. A great Brazilian poet, Vinicius de Moraes, once wrote this verse: "Love is eternal as long as it lasts." Perhaps the poet wanted to say that there is no eternal love, just her illusion, or perhaps he meant that the intensity of love is sometimes so great that, for a while, it outweighs the time. And with this we have to get our hands on our own.
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