I’ve always been a pretty minimalist person.Ever since university when I moved into cramped apartments with friends,, I realized I was happier living simply without much stuff. Now in my late twenties and married ,I still feel freer focusing time and money on experiences, relationships and passions rather than material items. My small one bedroom apartment contains just the basics ,a bed, simple table and couch I found secondhand, a small TV, my kids stuff and a few beloved personal items, . I pass on gadgets and my wardrobe consists of versatile staple pieces. To me, less clutter and obligations leaves more mental space for creative projects and conversation with the family and friends in my life.
My childhood best friend Ronke, meanwhile, has taken a very different path. We grew up together back home in Nigeria before she left for university in the States. But from what I see on social media, Ronke is living large as a successful accountant back abroad now with her lawyer husband. She posts nonstop glam shots in front of their shiny new Mercedes, designer outfits and handbags, multi-level house decorated impressively top to bottom. It’s awesome Ronke found career success and material comfort. But her luxury lifestyle now looks completely foreign compared to my bare bones vibe kept simple on purpose.
During Ronke’s recent visit to see me, I quickly realized just how little she understood my minimalist leanings. She stepped into my tiny apartment and her face just fell looking around. “moclassic, what is this place? Where is your living room set? Your big screen TV? Why is there just a mattress on the floor?” As she peered into my nearly empty closet and I offered her a drink from my half-stocked fridge, the bewilderment just grew.
When I explained I choose to keep possessions minimal and just buy what I need to get by, Ronke got offended. “This is how you live after attending university? Don’t you want at least some nice things for the money you make?” As she pressed about why I didn’t drive an impressive car or get a high-rise apartment, I tried to explain saving money gives me freedom to follow artistic goals over chasing status symbols. But clearly Ronke took my lifestyle as judgment or insults toward her Many luxury trappings. The rest of her trip we barely spoke as the tension mounted.
my friend and i
After Ronke flew back abroad though, her angry texts poured in about how I was wasting my potential living below my means and shaming her choices. I attempted calling to smooth things over, but she ignored my efforts. Finally I wrote her a long email trying to explain I never judged her life negatively for what she owned. I said we just valued different things but I supported what made her happy. I asked her to please understand people find fulfillment on their own terms; minimalism suits my personality but she should enjoy her purchases guilt-free.
It took a few weeks, but eventually I got a call from a teary Ronke apologizing for lashing out. She explained feeling self-conscious already as some old friends now envied her elevation in status from humble childhood roots. She admitted worrying I was sabotaging my career success by living almost impoverished. But most importantly, Ronke shared she learned to respect my unconventional choices, seeing now that I was deeply content living simply without judgment of her. She laughed saying she’d stop pestering me to “elevate my lifestyle,” noting “a monk life may suit you strangely well!” I chuckled in response, overjoyed to regain understanding with my dear friend. We both grew from this tension, realizing relationships matter far more than judging surface-level behaviors.
These days Ronke and I gift each other inside jokes about my monk-ish tendencies in minimalism. While she continues enjoying her abroad glittering social scene and luxury offerings, I stay busy making chips and doing deliveries in my cozy shabby chic apartment. We share pride in each other’s accomplishments from afar while respecting diverging paths that still can converge firmly at the heart. Different lifestyles don’t undermine lasting bonds between open, compassionate souls. If anything, embracing our quirky contrasts brought Ronke and I to new depths of loyalty and love. Material things may still divide us, but at life’s essence, our enduring connection remains my most cherished treasure.
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