I almost missed a flight, but didn't.
I've barely traveled at all since The Event. Not once abroad, as China's zero Covid policy makes it either impossible, or simply not worth trying, to get back in, depending on the day of the week.
So I've mostly been stuck in Shanghai. Made harder because I work in Education, as there's a tad more strict requirements for us to go out and about. Of course, we can physically go places, but the warnings given by my work for example imply that I could lose the job if I risk getting myself in 14-day quarantine.
So when it came to my recent trip, I was very hesitant for the longest time, floating around 90% chance of staying at home while 
But, after weighing my options, the risk levels of each city, no. of cases, and so on, I decided, a tad too late, to go, for just a few days.
From one absurdly oversized concrete jungle, to another slightly smaller, but still over twice the size of New York City, concrete jungle
As a result, I do have to fill in a mountain of paperwork, and I've taken more than my fair share of abuse down the throat with more to come, but the risk-reward here is so far in balance.
Things didn't exactly go as smoothly as I had hoped. You see, I had never had a Covid Test before. There was simply no need, since I never went anywhere, and my city has had a total of about 3 cases in the last 2 years. For the same reason, I am one of the few people in the world left unvaccinated who actually isn't anti-vaxx. I'm just pro-vax-that-actually-work, and there has been otherwise no need for it.
I actually feared the Nucleic Acid Test far more than the vaccine; I'm not afraid of needles, nor being sick as a result for a day or so. As a teacher, I get sick pretty often and just deal with it.
But, the way people described the tests here were kinda mortifying to me; getting shoved so far up your nose you can feel it poke your brain; getting it shoved so far down your throat you come close to puking.
Add to it that in order to travel anywhere this has to happen three to four times, and I just was not keen on it at all. I don't like to be touched on the best of days, let alone penetrated by a stranger in a rubber suit.
Needless to say, when I made my trip to the hospital to finally lose my NAT virginity, I was a little anxious. I knew it was unfounded and irrational, though, so I just went with as high spirits as possible.
I arrived at the testing tent without too much trouble, and the process begun.
Going through the motions, I get to the tent where I hand over my details. So, with my passport in hand, thumb casually stuck in-between random pages, I handed it to the Chinese girl, who spoke no English.
I watch her, without much thought, as she fumbled along the first page she saw, looking for my name. She couldn't write it out, so asked me to do it for her. I happily obliged.
She continued to add various details from the page into the system and sent me on my way with a card and a ticket.
Next tent was the swab tent. I queue up for 2-3 minutes, sit down, get swabbed. Surprisingly not too shabby. Not pleasant at all, as she rammed the swab into a really dry part of my throat and swooshed it around enough that it was quite swollen for the rest of the day, making me swallow and phlegm up more than was comfortable. But, I didn't choke. A positive.
I went to my friends place to hang out, expecting results in up to 8 hours.
Playing VR, I started to wonder. They didn't ask for any other info. My phone number, my covid app page, any means of contacting me at all. How do I get the results?
I figured, it's China, they barely need more than a strand of hair to get every possible detail and chat history they need. Everything is tied into everything else. They got my passport number.
My passport number is tied to my identity here as a foreigner, so it's no problem.
Lying in bed, experiencing one of the most restless sleeps ever. what could have gone wrong? Deep down, I knew what happened, but I didn't want to consciously face it. Instead, I had haunted dreams, waking up every hour or so. My flight was in just a few hours.
I'll have to cancel my flight if nothing happens.
I cancelled my morning pre-flight Chinese class and rushed back to the hospital with instructions to check a machine to print off my results. I went back to the tent and swiped my hospital card they had given me the day before.
Within a second or so, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. My test results come out on a receipt-type paper, all negative all good. I still have time to get my flight, everything has finally turned out gre---
Randomly redacted information i don't understand. Makes me look more important
That's not my age. That is my name. Written twice in full, as if my full name is both my given and family name.
It all made sense now.
Further instructions given, I went into the hospital itself to get the thing rectified and redstamped in hopes that it would legitimize the document.
I got passed around for a while until I landed on another woman who was rather unimpressed at a phone call she was using to ignore another old lady. This could take a while.
Brief time passes, and I get what I came for. Still uncertain this would pass at the airport, who require things on apps these days and all I had was a random sheet of paper with a red stamp on it, I was now in a big rush to get home, grab my crap and go to the airport.
I arrive and realise I did not yet set up my place to be cat-proofed, with days of water and food, clean litter tray. I made quick work of all that, leaving the water last.
I started filling the gallon tub of water for the auto-drink, only to realise for some reason, water was shooting out of 2-3 holes in the top.
Several months earlier, the last time I was away from home a couple of days, I put the machine out for the cats. My newest cat member, Nibbles, seemed to have a problem with it. The ball inside which prevented the water pouring out was instantly his mortal enemy.
I noticed him sticking his arm in there constantly battling this ball, grabbing the machine, and so on, making a right mess of the thing, spilling water all over the floor. So I removed it.
This here cute little piece of shit
Back to the present day, and I figured I'll just put it in the bathroom shower so the spilling won't matter if he still remembers he has a problem with it.
Now I see he also nibbled through the plastic. This is, after all, how he got his name.
Nevermind, as soon as I turn it over, the top will not have any water anyway, and it'll all be fine.
How wrong I was, as I was desperately rushing not to be late for my flight.
As I flipped the gallon tub round and put it into the machine, only then did I realise...
The ball was missing
Nibbles succeeded in removing and presumably destroying his nemesis. The outcome being, of course, that a gallon of water instantly flooded my apartment.
Now my brain was in extreme pissed-and-overdrive mode. At this point I knew I was missing the flight. My phone was telling me the plane had already landed, and I was still at home. The airport isn't too far away - 30 minutes or so by metro, plus all the walking, security, codes etc.
Note this was sent 26 minutes before I checked, and I was STILL at home
Plus this absolute mess I had to mop up.
without my spongy mop, it took me a solid 15 minutes to clean up. My spongy mop was on the balcony, and I knew in my rush if I went out there, a cat or two would escape out and spend hours hanging out in the bamboo garden. It takes a certain skill to keep them from going out when you don't want them to.
I couldn't risk it. So I was mopping very, very slowly with a flat mop. But extremely frantically with my human muscles.
I couldn't leave it, obviously due to the permanent floor damage it would do, but also because there was a 2 metre wall of water between me and the front door. whatever I did, my socks would get drenched every time I attempted to leave. I was imprisoned.
Well, the 15 minutes passed and I was on my way. I got a bicycle to the metro station to speed things up, and missed the immediate train by 8 seconds. Nice.
The next train took 3 minutes longer than usual, and its terminal station was one stop away from the airport. Nice.
After getting on the next train, I blasted through and, to my shock, it seemed I would maybe actually make it! Although I was already looking up follow-up flights.
Putting my bag through the scan machine, they found a screwdriver in a secret pocket that I put there for some reason. presumably to stab a pilot or something, I forget.
As I entered the plane, completely confused how nobody raised a single eyebrow at my shoddy paperwork and lateness, the pilot announced that the gate was now closed, before I even sat down. I made it within 90 seconds.
The rest of the trip was quite pleasant __
