My daughters are very different people and as such they are treated differently and have had different access to opportunities. My eldest, Angel, is a fast learner, excels academically and her quick brain has made her a fast learner in physical activities too.
My youngest, Izzy, isn't incapable, she just isn't as quick to learn and has to work a bit harder to reach the same point. However, this means she doesn't stand out like her sister, so she never got the attention her sister got.
Teachers and coaches would get really excited about Angel. They'd be more encouraging and praising of her. She'd be offered opportunities that only a few other ”exceptional” students would. On the other hand, Izzy got ignored for the most part. I'd be the one to encourage her progress, because I knew she could do it, she only needed a bit of encouragement and a little more work, but praise, acknowledgement and encouragement from your parents isn't quite the same as a general consensus from others that you are capable.
Rules would be bent for Angel, but not for Izzy, when it came to organisations, unless they were both in the same organisation, then the rules would be bent by default for Angel‘s sister. We put the girls on a waiting list for a school when we moved and it was supposed to be several months long, but Angel’s test scores bumped them up the list and they were offered places pretty much straight. I felt awful for the others bypassed on the waiting list. We did end up leaving to homeschool after a term, which helps my guilt trip a bit.
My girls did different gymnastics. Angel had her coach wanting to take her on camps and was really enthusiastic about her. Izzy was not a stand out and having never done anything like it before was behind her team mates in many ways. She has persisted and improved over the years, been loyal and worked hard, but she's never going to be a star, because she's not built for this type of gymnastics. So where the rules will be bent for those considered to have “potential”, they won't be bent for her.
It's an interesting situation to be witnessing privilege on the one hand and an unequal “fairness” on the other, within my own children. On one hand I fully comprehend why organisations favour certain people who provide a benefit to them over and above the average. A student whose parents donate a large amount of money to the school would get away with more than a student who merely covers their fees, because they don't want to lose that benefit. A student who makes the school look good can bring in more students and revenue, so allowances are made to keep them and they'll put more effort into furthering them. However, I also empathise with those who are frustrated with the unfairness of this. Parents see their child not advancing as well as they could, if they only had the same input and advantages that the favoured ones get.
Often the favoured ones have the extra input because the investment feels more worthwhile to the teacher/coach. It's not fulfilling to put effort into someone who isn't interested or is unable to improve, but it's very fulfilling to be seen as the teacher of someone who is good enough to win awards.
Yesterday I read a news headline which said that Victorians (those from the Australian state of Victoria) wouldn't be allowed to buy tickets for the next football match. The reason? Covid cases have been increasing in their state when the rest of Australia has had little or no new cases. That's discrimination and not fair, but fairness ultimately comes down to a cost-benefit analysis. In this case the unfairness is supported out of fear; fear of them spreading sickness. How familiar is that? How much discrimination happens due to fear?
Whenever you're experiencing unfairness, there's going to be a counter explanation for it. Whether you agree with it or not, there is usually some form of justification for it. You could say it’s all fair, because you get out what you put in, but that is often not the case. Yet if someone does put in more for the same reward, they can feel unfairly treated themselves.
So we move forward coming to terms with the fact that life is not fair and nobody ever says it's going to be.
I'm not sure if there was any point to be made here, I'm just emptying some of the drivel out that's been running around my brain.
