Once, she loved violently and peacefully. Once, she made the earth spin with her heart of love. She was quite young when she felt the sweet blades of love. Loving, did she but little did she know that they were violent blades, poisonous nails sent to make an unrepairable mess of her innocent heart.
Nine she was, when she experienced her first unsleep. She had paced and paced paced, opened her eyes, closed her eyes, dimmed them and when all that couldn’t take away how much she missed him; She sat up, picked up a new book, with colorful inks and took to drawing.
Not that she was good at drawing but what mattered was what her heart drew and not her hand. She started, drawing his fragile looking strands of brunette hairs, his long feminine fingers, she proceeded to draw his lip, making it freeze in an unearthly smile just the exact one he had on his lips as they played and smile during the day at the playground.
But above all, it was his voice that captured her heart….. Earlier that morning, when she fell in an eternal chained love with him…. A ribbon on her hair had dropped. He had picked it up for her.
“Hey…. You dropped this” He had said, breaking into the magical smile.
“Thank you” She said, and raised her hand to stroke his hair away from his eyes.
Something in her stomach fluttered… it was love. Juvenile's love.
The next day, it was Sunday, yet somehow she persuaded Nanny Mitchell to take her to the playing ground.
“There would be no one there” Upset Nanny had said.
But our lover girl, Ana, was on love's race.
The playground was empty when she got there, her hands dropped. A calm tear fell out of her young pretty eyes.
I, who have been there all the while, It dawned on me that Love was going to be her greastest strength and weakness. Love was going to be her succor and her doom!
The next weekend, they met at the field again. Somehow, he lured her into one of the restroom, she followed like a sacrificial lamb meant to be slain on the altar of love.
“Ana, I love you” The cute young boy had said before he leaned to kiss her.
“I will die for you” She said admidst the kiss.
Then they both heard the loud call of his name.
“That’s mum, I have to go now” He said and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek.
“Will…. You be… here … next week” She screamed after him.
“Yes!” He shouted back.
She was a lover girl, hence, she took to her heels and ran after him and when she got to him, she threw her hands around him and sobbed softly.
Then she let him go, each turning to bid each other bye as they walked away till they were out of sight.
It was night again, the lover girl was happy yet she missed him to much. It hurt too much and again, she began to shed precious shattered liquids. That was when she realized that they never even knew eachother's name.
It hurt her more and more. She placed her young hands on her chest and carressed them slowly, till it became a fast motion.
The next weekend, she rushed to the playground but he wasn’t there waiting like he did before. She waited and waited. When it began to hurt, she placed her hands on the spot where she felt her heart was situated. Like she did at night, she caressed slowly till it became a fast motion.
She caressed as if there was something inside of her that was torn, that was waiting to burst… waiting to bleed.
She grew up like that with a shaky and vulnerable definition of love:
Love was sadness
Love was pain
Love was loneliness
Love was tears.
Still, now that decade has passed, she wants to love the way she loved when she first loved but sadly somehow somewhere, her love still continues to be written like one that had always existed..... Always, too familiar.
I have been there from the time of the story, from the broken moments of her love. Yet, no matter how much I have known her, she still seemed like a stranger.
Yet, when I look into her bloodshot eyes, I see two sad eyeball singing an unheard song of strength.
And all I can say is “She is alive”
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