Freedom Challenge Entry

I could feel me slowly losing grip of it all

Having a kid at 33 might give you some level of maturity that allows you to be slightly more mentally prepared than your average 20 year old. Despite this, I was nowhere near prepared for the challenges that awaited me once the kiddo escaped the sanctuary of my womb.

Throughout my pregnancy I was blatantly aware of how slowly I was not able to do certain things anymore. Things that brought me joy. Things I found dear to my heart. And things that kept my ass at a reasonable size! As the baby grew inside of me, the less I could manage and believe me I pushed as hard as I could not to lose touch with these lovely things that made me smile! My efforts were starting to feel like too much effort. And I slowly felt me loosing grip of these things... Time was running out, but I had no idea how much I had before.

I lost my freetime, but more than that I lost my freedom

Maaaaan!! How did I not realise how good I had it. I always hear my parent friends talk about having no time, but did not expect it to be this bad!! Maybe it's just me and my situation. Maybe I need to just deal with the adjustment. But moving from a fairly free and independent adult, being my own person and making decisions on a whim. I now can't. I have a little person depending on me to get her through it all. And though she is cute as a button, she sucks up all my time!!

4 months old, I have been back at work for about 2 months. Being a business owner, I don't have the luxury of enjoying Maternity leave. Shit needs to get done. And I need to get it done!!

Before I would work an 8 to 9 hour day, sqeeze in a run and get supper going at a decent time. I had fun with my husband, fam and friends. Enjoyed the weekend hikes and shenanigans. Travelled alot, locally and internationally. Partied hard. Played hard. Worked hard. Maaaan although I didn't know it at the time this was like living in Hawaii every dang day!!

Now I live on a 3 hour loop of feeding, changing diapers, being a clown and trying to get on with life. On a day by myself I manage to get 2 hours of work done, when I have help I get 4 to 5. I have no time for workouts and fun is luxury. But you just gotta keep on keeping on!!

I lost my freedom, but I gained something very rare and different

Throughout the above chaos, a new little human has joined my crew. She is an energy sucker. I ain't gonna lie. And I keep thinking I can't wait till she grows up. And can't even imagine throwing another kid into the mix. But I never imagined I would love someone, this little, this demanding, this unpredictable, this unstable, so dam quickly. She has a smile that melts my heart and eyes that holds a world of wonder. A cry that makes me want to toss her over the balcony. But a laugh that lights up the whole room.

So how can I be mad at this little crazy pooper. I fell in love. She has me by the metaphorical balls.

Here's me hoping I can get some of that freedom back one day.

Update: 7:53am

I was awake since 4 and kido went back to sleep. Wide awake, thought I would squeeze in a quick run! 4kms, stopped only once to take this glorious pic, and once to pick up my phone which fell out of my pocket!

I guess its about the little things. Afterall, life is not about where you been, it's about where you going! I will take the little bits of freedom!!