Finding out that self-comparison is negative is a good thing, it's such a shame that you needed to go through all of this to discover that.
It's great that you are recovering, and realising that YOU are the only one who has full responsibility for your life and actions. No one has control of your thoughts or your mind but you, so you have to train your mind to think positively. It's good to discover things that make you truly happy so that you can resort to them as a natural default, instead of swaying to negative thoughts.
All good wishes:)