Yes, your mind is very complex, it can create self defensive mechanisms that do serve their purpose then, but in the long run, they do more harm than good. Because if you fear that everybody will leave you at some point, you can develop a no attachment mechanism, or you can overdue it and love too much, and the other person, because you tip the balance, loves you less, and he leaves you... It's a very interesting thing, love, and especially the type we all aim for - unconditional love. But that is another monologue I will have for a later date.
I said that basically I became a mature young lady at an early age, and i never got the chance to kill my inner child, but somehow put it on pause. I had other things to worry about, but always preferred to stay away from spotlight and just watch the nice show anybody else was putting on. As a preteen, I was silent, and had 2 best friends, which I am happy to say that I still have around, and I can count on them for anything.
I really fought for those two, which for the sake of this blog, will name Bubbles and Blossom (cause I kinda was Buttercup, the boyish brunette from PPG). Bubbles and I had a different type of relationship, and with Blossom I always was on the same level of thinking, so we barely had any fights. And even if Blossom and I were to fight, we used to have a cold war treatment with each other, as in we did not speak, until one of us broke the ice, and we were back to the old beautiful friendship we had before the fight.
With Bubbles it's a different type of relationship, because we are very close, and although many people might have tried to come between us, they had no chance. Worst case scenario, they made us go to war, as in WW, with devastating results on both ends, and when we met to sign the peace treaty, we made sure to remember the treaty terms, which we would break again...
But she is like my sister I never had (as I have a brother) and no matter what comes, I know she has my back. We count on one another, and support each other in every stupid thing we do, and we met when I was 10.
The story of how we met is really cute, cause as I said before, I liked to be in the shadows, to play alone, to not engage in conversations, and she was the opposite. She was loved by all children, and all of them wanted to spend time with her, but not me. It's not like I ignored her in particular, I ignored everybody.
She was what you can call the popular kid, the one that did all she wanted out of all. She used to tell me the story of how we met, cause I forgot, obviously. She said that when she was 10, she saw a girl in the swings alone, not talking to anybody. She was intrigued by the fact that I did not present any interest in playing with her, so she came and asked me: "Hey, you, wanna play?" and I said yes. It's not that I couldn't be sociable, it was the fact that by then, I was staying at my fathers, and well, things changed for me. I had no friends there, cause I wasn't born in the neighborhood (although technically I was, but long story short) and I had no school mates around (or did not know at that time). So I started hanging out with her and her minions.
Thing was that Bubbles already had a best friend, a old one, that she knew from kindergarten, and that one, let's call her Bucky, she hated me for a loooong time...
