A term that I made up, Parentophobia. Defined as a fear of parents or being a parent.

I've always feared the dark since I was a kid. Dark means pitch black dark, and total lights off the dark. I don't know, I wasn't afraid of other things other than that until I became a parent myself. Parents here will surely relate. This is just coming from a first-time mom.

Am I going to be a good parent?

I think this question always runs in the mind of soon-to-be parents or even those who already have kids, no matter what type of situation they're in.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Parents or older people would always ask kids, 'What do you want to be when you grow up? What or who would you like to be someday? What do you dream to be?' Any of those questions can be asked in children's homework. Imagine they put an effort into thinking about what they like and what they want to be. Even your parents would ask you that. Funny thing is, they ask you and then tell you to pick another one if they cannot afford it or if they don't want you to be what you want. Why would you even ask a kid and tell them something like that in the first place? I know raising kids are very difficult financially, but there are other ways that you can tell them so that they would understand.

I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with my life. What I want to be. Who I want to be. I didn't get the chance to think, try or even show what I wanted to do when I graduated high school and even in college. Most of the kids in our generation, especially those who were not blessed financially, became an investment for our parents' future that somehow became a family tradition in the Philippines.

Support

Support in every aspect of life is every parent's job. Sad part? Most parents focus on the financial support that they tend to pay attention to less than the other things that their kids need. Some parents focus on supporting their children so that children can support them, chasing after what their parents' dreams are or should have had, passing on the problems that they should be solving, and passing on the responsibilities that parents should be doing. Some parents focus on how they can make their life better financially, sacrificing their child's dreams or happiness that could help them financially someday.

How?

Experience is the best teacher. The teacher is you, the parent. Parent supports and guides children. Children must learn how to get along with life. Parents should be coaches to their kids. How are we going to teach them by telling them exactly what to do, what not to do, what to be, or what not to be?

I think it's more important for children to know HOW things work, HOW life works and by knowing HOW, parents must guide and support so they would know the other Ws in question (What, Where, When, Why)

These are not parenting tips but are the worries that kill me every day, what ifs that I may or may not be. Nobody knows HOW to be a perfect parent because there's no such thing.

Fears

I am clueless about what I am doing as a mom, and as a parent, I didn't even think of having kids cause I know in myself that I tend to be rude, tactless, harsh, and even hurtful.

I deeply understand why my parents did what they did but it left damages that flashback until now. I just wish that they could have dealt with it differently because even if I somehow forgave and forget, they cannot take away the damage, emotional and physical. Now I fear that I may do the same thing to my child. I need to stop the cycle.

Sorry

We should teach kids when to say sorry, this should also go with adults. Saying sorry does not belittle you. Saying sorry means you understand that you hurt someone or that you did something wrong. Saying sorry is not a disease, it won't kill you, it doesn't have a price.

Love

Being a parent turned things around for me. My hatred towards my parents turned into a love for my child, my own family. I love the world for giving me friends that helped me shape who I am. Having a husband made me a better person.

I am trying my best to be not what I think I will be as a parent. My husband won't let me turn into a deMOM for sure.

There's just a thing that I keep in mind so I can deal with parenthood. Every person is unique. I must know them as a person so I can deal with each of my kids nicely. One trick may work on the other but some may not. Find a sweet spot, find a weakness, find a strength.

But how would you know if you are a good parent?

**Originally posted on Read.cash, edited and revised
**in all original content. Micontingsabeat/Micontingsabit