I almost fell again. I was wounded in my journey badly and haven't been able to express how yet. I began to tell "My Story" and didn't really get anywhere. I didn't really even get to the wound. It festered and instead I became lost in the pain instead of continuing. In the last post the human inside me took over and frankly he's not in a good state right now.
When I say things like "I'm a wizard." "I'm a shaman." I don't take them lightly and it's not a joke. I'm just wounded currently and I've yet to climb the mountain. Climbing the mountain meaning I have not yet went through formal training through the lineage I've found. Which can be dangerous which I'll explain later.
To explain the wound is to explain at minimum the difference between magic and sorcery.
I literally cannot even begin to get into the depths of real magic here. That topic is far to vast and simple. Meaning I need way more words. No worries, I'm working on some books. That said I'll instead just show it in respect to its difference from sorcery.
Magic is the use of powerful forces of this universe. Some well understood, some unseen, some from realms and beings unknown. Magic as it is is a very positive and helpful thing.
Yet, as is the universe, it does not govern the use of magic... It merely allows us use of it. Meaning that an individual can use magic in any way they choose be it malevolently or benevolently without consequence from the universe. (directly)
The universe, unconcerned with how magic is used, does not step in to the world of its beings when using it in ways we beings consider to be bad.
Therefor, beings can use magic in ways that create great turmoil, hardship or even very evil things and the universe itself is not going to step in and stop them. Making it someone else's job, here in the plane of our beings, to keep the sorcery in check. Thus certain shamans like jaguar. It is said a little differently traditionally. Use of the word magic for example. I believe their word sounds like "malikai" the shamans power. I'm choosing to use the word magic on purpose.
Magic is used benevolently or in a protective manor, sorcery is essentially magic being used malevolently. Yet, it's more. As are the depths of magic, so to are the depths of sorcery. The idea of sorcery is to kill/harm. The idea of magic is to help, protect, teach and so on. Both take you deeper and sorcerers can get to a point completely consumed with killing/harming.
The difference of course is intention.
The sorcerers intention is to kill or harm and the shamans is to help or protect. Both essentially showed up at the same time.
A shaman sees sorcery everywhere. Because it is everywhere. Sorcery robs beings of their will, their presence, essentially of their magic. So it falls to the shaman, being of the few that see the sorcery, to aid humanity in counteracting sorcery so they can be themselves and have their magic.
You call it The American Judicial System. In all caps like that even. It should be called "the sorcerers guild of america" in all lowercase like that.
From the way a police officer is trained to look at you, the way society convinces those close to treat you, to the all cement and steel construction of the prisons/jails, the "animal and criminal are the same" treatment by the guards, to the hallways unable to see other places or a way out...
It's all sorcery.
I knew sorcery like this at a young age as well. I express that another time.
As a shaman I had to be extra careful in there. I stood out way to much. I had to be sure the guards never saw that part of me at all. To break free I had to take chameleon form. I had to be the criminal they wanted to see. Then had to be the reformed criminal they wanted to see.
This seemed easy in design.
I casted a powerful spell over myself. Of chameleon, of cloaking myself to be what was needed for them to see. And I became that criminal. I became that animal. Then I became that reformed animal version.
I escaped their sorcery.
Yet very very wounded.
I was in that chameleon suite for 5 years. So that my preceding family, friends, co-workers, would believe and my family and I could again regain our freedom.
We did and my son and I are here, free again.
Yet, I broke.
I was able to handle it fine. It was the constant of keeping it up that fucked me up. Knowing that your own family will strike at you is a fucked up realization. Knowing for certain that no one could get you out but you is pretty fucking scary. It's not that shit that will get you the most though, it's only fuel for the fire. It's the consistent year after year costume you're wearing. It's the knowing that the costume you're wearing is the only reason your family is pretending respect for you. That taking it off for even a second could be the end of your freedom forever.
My magic wasn't ready for that shit. The spell held, did it's job. Yet having to be that person for so long suppressed so much inside me its literally staggering. It also confused the hell out of my human. My magic died. I had the last big hurrah that got my son and I here. As far in this country as we can get from that evil shit.
To heal.
To remember.
4 and a half years it's taken to strip the first 5 years of sorcery from us. That time it's taken to remove the costume as well.
I'm still nursing the wound. Not completely out of the woods.
I seem sad because that deep of a wound does not heal without very deep fear. I seem angry because I'm fucking strong and wounded.
I claw and growl because I'm a fucking panther.
I know my magic because I'm a fucking wizard.
A jaguar shaman is tempted with sorcery when they feel defeated. The shaman must learn to kill, the sorcerer begins desiring to kill then it consumes.
Defeated was part of my costume for 5 years. I was tempted by sorcery. I've seen the face of that consumed killer. I know why you tried. I see you.
I was a big fucking cat in a small fucking cage pretending to be food for a long fucking time.
If you care about me, I'm sorry, I've been hard for years. I'm still clawing and biting but beginning to purr occasionally. If you've stuck around you're a beast yourself, thank you. If you ran, I get it, I got scary. I hold no grudge.
Whoever the fuck you are, know that I'm jaguar clan. I am an animal. Treat the beings around me with respect and I'll show you your power. Bring sorcery toward them and in one strike your skull will be between my teeth, your body left as fertilizer I won't even eat you from the stench. These are my people. My wound is nearly healed and my power is returning. I know when to kill and have no desire for it. There is no universe you can hide that I cannot stalk.
I've lost my tolerance for much of the sorcery I see damaging my people. All people.
I may have cowered. I may have ran. I know my fears.
You thought that since I was not formally trained I would fall to sorcery, you saw my power and the destruction it could create. You thought if all i saw was pain, if I lost all hope, if no one supported me, I would fall to your trickery. I would become your consumed vicious killer so one of the last jaguars was snuffed out. I understand you.
Silly sorcerers, tricks are for kids.
by Michael David
Co-founder of #thealliance and loyal since before the egg.
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