If you prefer the german version go to :
@metachimp/einmal-kolumbien-und1
Future posts will be split in eng/ger.
" The crime rate (especially street theft and burglary) and the general propensity for violence are high. This applies to scenic areas / hiking trails as well as to the capital Bogotá and tourist centers.
Even during the day, robbery and trick theft must be expected in busy streets. At dusk, there is an increased risk of violence in the event of an attack. "
-Foreign Office Germany
December 2021
Prehistory:
At the end of November 2021 in a major city in Germany:
I'm sitting in my living room with my best friend and we're drinking good German beer. This is now our regular weekend occupation because we have been excluded from social life. Again and again we drift off into conversations in which we share our lack of understanding about the current situation until we become aware of the nonsense of this discussion because we always have the same position.
One thing is certain, the situation will not get better anytime soon. Probably even worse. Since my friend, let's call him Tim, is going to Colombia for some time in December, he is less worried about this than I am. The rules in Colombia are much more relaxed and the gringo factor regulates all other bureaucratic hurdles.
Gringo factor (my experience - exceptions confirm the rule): In South American countries, people who visually stand out from the phenotype of the population can get a special treatment in everyday life.
The more and the rarer gringo attributes you have, the stronger are the poles between which your gringo factor commutes.
A height of 1.90m and over and a Caucasian appearance are the non plus ultra attributes.
People estimate your wealth proportional to your gringo factor. This is also the core of the gringo factor. It is assumed that you are filthy rich and you will be treated accordingly.
The boundary to official business is fluid here.
¿Quanto vale (eso)?
How much does (that) cost?
Let's come to a clear advantage of the gringo factor.
End of excursion
The beer flows. About 5-6 beers later and at least 3 iterations of our pointless discussions later, we're at my laptop and looking for flights to Bogota. Flight tomorrow there and back via Amsterdam: 1100 €. Too expensive, no chance that I can escape the restrictions. We are testing a few more dates, but several weeks in advance we only find flights for 900€. In my mind I'm already on the plane, but I'm still too sober to overdraw my account so much.
We're testing a few more dates for fun. The alcohol is clearly noticeable. Each small adjustment to the flight time takes a good 90 seconds.
"If it costs 1100€ tomorrow then just let us see what it will cost the day after tomorrow."
It seems as if the Opodoo algorithm is not prepared for such irrational consumer behavior.
The website loads for an eternity before it comes up with a new offer:
520 € and 2 pieces of luggage free of charge.
10 minutes later it is certain that I will also fly to Bogotá.
For a few more minutes, Tim expresses his skepticism as to whether I am sure that this was a good idea. But since I've already paid, the deal is closed.
My confidence then also convinces Tim and we decide to empty the remaining beers and to clarify everything else regarding accommodation etc. the next day.
The next day (24 hours before the flight):
We're booking a multi-bedroom apartment in one of the most affluent areas of Bogota for just under 20€ / day.
For German standards this is of course a bargain.
Not in Bogotá with an average income of 200€ per month.
The rest of the day I carry all the necessary documents together, from passport to "Migracion Nacional" papers (online registration due 24 hours before departure) to the 3 hour PCR test for a nice 120 €.
In the evening it occurs to me that I have a job. I am actually financially dependent on the job, but internally I have already finished with it, because with the upcoming restrictions in germany I will undoubtedly lose it.
My short-term vacation request is accordingly:
" Dear Blah Blah... I'm not in Germany from day x to day y for family reasons, so do I need a vacation or should I just quit? "
The next day I get the answer. My supervisor will take care of it and he wishes me a good flight.
Deal !
I am told that, unlike on German public transport, I do not need a test for flights to Colombia. Probably because we're flying over the virus and we're all wearing masks. In fact, it is also meticulous that everyone pulls the FFP2 mask over their nose. Of course only until the food or drinks are distributed. This happens 5 times during the flight for 30 minutes each time. So 2.5 hours without a mask and about 11 hours with a mask. Hmmmmm...
I feel like I am in the zoo. As the proud owner of a multitude of the rarest gringo attributes, as I was wearing a cowbell around my neck. Possibly the absence of tourists in the last 2 years has created a new variable that has to be included in the gringo value-added calculation and thus creates a significantly stronger gringo factor. Let's call it the delta variable.
The young woman at the passport control looks at me as if I were Leonardo di Caprio personally, while she explains to me that I am missing a lot of documents. I reply in my most charming German tourist tone:
" no entiendo "
" I dont understand "
She waves me through.
I step into the entrance area of the airport. I am tense. I just want to put my most important valuables safely in my apartment. Hundreds of eyes stare at me through the glass at the exit.
Including taxi drivers who shout " GRINGO TAXI SAFE! " from 15 meters away.
Sounds tempting
This is what the Federal Foreign Office in Germany writes:
"When taking a taxi, there is a risk of becoming a victim of a robbery or a short-term kidnapping, in which the perpetrators usually squeeze credit cards and PINs in order to withdraw cash from the victim's account at ATMs regular yellow taxis at Bogotá Airport. "
Foreign Office
Germany December 2021
That's why I downloaded the Cabify app on their recommendation, but I just can't get into the WiFi.
5 minutes later I explain to my Gringo Safe taxi driver where I want to go.
He is in a very good mood, locks the doors and drives off.
For the first 10 minutes he keeps asking me to confirm the address. He pulls over to the right several times and asks me to enter the address into his cell phone again, because he supposedly has no clue where I want to go.
Basically one could understand that even an experienced taxi driver in a huge city like Bogota (almost twice the size of Berlin) does not have every address in the back of his head. However, Bogota's road system is built very logically, so that he must know without a doubt where he is going:
A typical address could be Calle 40 Carrera 78.
Carreras run parallel to the mountains from south to north, Calles run vertically from east to west.
I realize that this is obviously not a gringo safe taxi ride, but what else can I do? On the streets there are people in old clothes pulling huge carts full of plastic rubbish behind them. A man is standing in a corner smoking something from a kind of pipe. Even if I know stoners who like to go without a shower for two days, his appearance suggests that there is no grass in his pipe. The facades of the buildings, insofar as they can still be recognized as such, do not bear any single drops of color and, like all the asphalt, are littered with large craters the size of watermelons.
Presumably the taxi is the safer place at the moment.
After I gave him his address three more times and we turn right for the fourth time in a row, I see him repeatedly typing messages into his second cell phone and listening to voice messages.
He seems to notice that I feel more and more uncomfortable or he just has the need to facetime with a woman and a child while holding the cell phone so that I can clearly see who he is talking to.
After about a minute the need seems to be satisfied though and he hangs up without saying goodbye.
With broken Spanish and as confident as I can despite my increasing uncertainty, I lie to him that I know that the address is very close to the airport and that we shouldn't need much longer.
A little puzzled by my suddenly energetic tone of voice, he looks at me through the rearview mirror for a few seconds, but assures me that everything is fine and that I shouldn't worry.
" No pasa nada Gringo "
" Don't worry gringo "
Obviously my acting did not convince him.
It should be noted here that Latin men are much more sensitive to tracking down insecurities in other men, as is actually more common to women in western countries.
The reason for this can only be guessed, but in the course of the trip I keep observing that men with stereotypical feminine behaviors such as drama, passive aggressiveness or intrigue attract attention.
This is in stark contrast to my very direct nature and, unless I pretend,often leads to conversations getting an unpleasant basic tension. Based on this experience, it was clear to me that I would reduce contacts to men to the minimum necessary for self-protection. In fact, the other half of the population appeals to me a lot more anyway.
But who knows if I'll get to see this half of the population again so quickly.
The Gringo Safe taxi driver is now conversing with his second cell phone with increasing frequency and is now also frantically exchanging voice messages with his contact. It seems like typing is too inefficient for him. Actually, his willingness to work should resonate positively with my German virtues of hard work and efficiency. It borders on an artistic act as he apparently manages to interact effortlessly between the cell phone with the route, his contact on the second cell phone and me.
Meanwhie he keeps the taxi on the street, regularly signaling with a single horn, that he claims the right of way at a 4-lane intersection.
If it weren't for the recurring scraps of words that I pick up from his conversation with his contact, which, judging by the pitch, I take as weighing and stressed. At the latest when I hear the words:
" un aleman " (a German) and
" muy alto " (very large)
, fear slowly spreads in me. Maybe I'm overreacting and he's just delighted to have such a high quality Gringo in his Gringo Safe Taxi. But I don't want to bet on that. I ask him a second time how long the journey will be. He tells me 30 minutes.
No way !
In the best case, he just wants to rip me off and charge me with 5x the fare by giving me an unwanted city tour. I don't want to imagine the worst case scenario, and I certainly don't want to sit and wait. I angrily reply to him in broken spanish:
"No es possible, no es possible, es muy cerca, lo se !!"
"It can't be, it can't be, it's very close, I know !!"
He is surprised for a brief moment but quickly recovers and devotes all his attention to me to sell me that this would be the only route while he continues to slide through traffic like a snake.
I ony respond
"no es possible"
"that is not possible"
, take my cell phone out of my pocket and call Tim who is still in Germany for 3 days. Of course, I can't get through with my German SIM card, but I don't let that show and start talking to myself. The quality of my act was without a doubt improvable.
However, this only applies to people who are able to speak German. According to the taxi driver's reaction, it seemed as if I had terminated all peace treaties of the last two world wars and made him personally responsible for it.
Angry, I hang up with the Spanish words:
" vamos a ver "
" we will see "
and stare into his uncertain looking eyes that look at me through the rearview mirror.
Encouraged by this success, I ask him to give me his second mobile phone. He hesitates for a moment, pretending not to understand me, but then passes it through the small gap in the metal grille that separates the driver's cab from mine. I open Google, enter the address and lo and behold, the estimated travel time is 3 minutes. I hand him the cell phone through the gap again and smugly tell him that I am pleased that we are about to be there. He looks at the cell phone and sees that I've entered the route. He looks up stoically, at the cell phone, back at me, and nods. According to Google Maps, we have to turn around and turn right after 300 meters. He does that too and before I know we are in front of my apartment. 32,000 $ (Colombian Pesos) / approx. He wants 7€ from me. That's about 1.8 times the price I should have paid according to the Cabify app. I'll give him $ 30,000 and 2 gold 20cent pieces. That satisfies him and I get out with my luggage and my life. At the entrance to the apartment I wait until the porter has examined me and opens the door for me.
In Colombia, it is common to find the apartment of the means until the upper class is guarded by partly armed security forces.
I introduce myself, get my briefing and go into the apartment.
A modern living room, 2 bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom await me. I put my baggage down and let myself fall contentedly on the freshly made double bed.
The first challenge has been mastered.
Maybe it's not as dangerous as everyone is claiming;).
