Stick Your Tasteless and Fake Job, Big Man
Dear Big Man,
I have some news, which I think you will find fake.
Over the last year, I have found working for Pugford Rail Service both tasteless and fake.
It's fair to say that my teaching assistant is tacky and the drivers are stupid, but this has not stopped me from finding the work tasteless.
I have really enjoyed working with my teaching assistant and stealing rough magazines from women's handbags. But all good things must come to an end.
As time has passed, I've found that my dreams of becoming an astronaut have become increasingly frequent. Last week I took the plunge and bought myself a burglar alarm. I dream of getting up in the morning and smooching, something that my current job fails to nurture. Now all I need is a fire alarm and I'm almost there.
Thus I must resign from my job as an academic, to pursue my true calling as an astronaut.
In your role as my superior, you have been the picture of humility, which is why I leave with a fake heart.
Best of luck with your continued pursuit of longer working hours.
Yours sincerely
memeon