Letter To You

Dear New Girlfriend (s),

First of all, thanks for reading this. I know,YOU know WHO you are. Here is just a letter for YOU and YOU. Read this with no caution. Isn't it normal for me and YOU,stalking each other? Please don't accuse me by stalking, if you did the same thing. Ok, take a deep breathe.This gonna be long.

I am just acknowledging you that you will NOT believe any word that I written. Just yet!.
Maybe not now, maybe not a week,a months or maybe if you are lucky, a YEAR or more. I might know you will running to him, your ONE & ONLY man, bashing and telling him what I have write down here and bad-mouthing me after reading these for some confirmation that none of this is TRUE. He will tell you its all a LIE and deny everything. He will said its my IMAGINATIONS as an Ex-Psycho Woman as he claimed I was. He will warn you not to ever believe a word of it or if ANYONE said about him unless all his GOOD deeds of course.

I know that, because he used to tell me the same thing when I was contacted by his EX before. That he will handle it and the EX will stop because she's scared of him. But to tell you the truth, none of them were like me. I fight back. I stand for what is right and what is wrong. Did I admit to the wrong I've made? I did, but other than that, he knows I will speak my mind. Thats why he can't handle ME, he can't handle the truth. Those EX'S of his maybe scared because they might be hoping to be back at his arms or because they really did something wrong. Which is maybe other circumstances that had make them quite. I'm pretty sure they had their own reason. You can be on my shoes and start to think, why I fight back unlikely his EX'S? I stand for what is right and if he want to play that victim games then I play along with him. It takes two to tango! Are you sure he was force? With his firm words and stand out attitude and a tough man he is and he said he was force by me? Or maybe he was really in LOVE with me that he's trying to hold on for that merely 2 or 3 years together? Please think logically. If there's any threatening or any sharp object was used, why only after those years he backed out and left?

A normal person or at least a man like him won't stay long unless there's something that he's up with. Only God knows why. Even some people said, Love Can Make People Do Crazy Things. So, they stayed eventhough it was TOXIC. I stayed and he LEFT. Did I ever said the other way round? EXACTLY! I know you are clever enough to think but Love Is Blind, right? I know, you will only see the bad in me and judge me because he talked you out. Did we ever talked? Non! I wonder how you judge one sides of stories? Please, don't be like ME! I've trusted him even his EX already remind me that he left her because of ME which I didn't even know that this EX ever exist. 3 days after me and him were officially together, then I've got her message on Facebook. But that was the stupid me and the blind me. He even warned me like how he warned you. But he told me that the girl wasn't even his EX-GF, but only a F4ck Buddy. So she can't claimed the EX-GF tittle, as he said to me. But guess what? Now he regrets it. Saying that girl was his EX-GF. Wow! How easy it was for him to lie about it to me and her before? You can even read it through his last chapter of his blog written about it. But at last I know why, before coming to you in KL, he was trying to get back with the EX which was reluctantly the EX REJECTED. So who was next on the list? Among the girls he still keep in touch with? Ok next!! Applause!

Even if he really admit to some of his mistakes before, but he will still blame others. All his wrong doing was because of somebody else and its was not his fault because he's trying to be the nice man. Are you sure he's an angel? Oh, I keep on forgetting that you are in LOVE. Maybe he admit just HALF of it, claiming he has done some bad things in the past and now he learned from his mistakes and he's a changed man, FOR YOU. But this time he won't make that same mistakes again because YOU changed him and YOU are SPECIAL to him. Am I Right? He would ask you to block me on all media socials so that whatever I write about him, won't get to you. He will said that you should never ever try to talk to me and you will believe everything he said because I did too, I BELIEVED him. Once upon a time.

Right now you are the next in line and you feel like you just met the man of your dream, you had just hit a Jackpot and you are happy. You counting everyday to texts,calls, and etc for a weeks,months and soon everything will be lesser. He will said he had work to do, he is busy, he was sleeping and so many answers to give. And you might wonder what went wrong. But to be the GOOD gf as you wanted him to see you, you trying very hard to NOT be like his EX'S. But I know how the rage in you trying to answer each question that been popping on your brain. Why, where, when, and etc. Am I Right? I even know that you might not like the idea of SHARING him and him LYING to you. But he did, the moment he said he's leaving you. Did you ever discuss with him about Long Distance Relationship and how you both should manage it? Or both have an agreement that both can have an open relationship? Luckily I was never been talked out to any terms and condition by him. I was even proposed by him one year after we were together.
Was he were force by me? Its a surprised proposal and its was arrange by him and by our friends. Even his mother was waiting for him to pick her up but he was so nervous about the proposal and went on without her. Why do he get nervous when he wanted to reject me one week after he was with me? Oh, as he claimed it.

But I know, whatever I write above is all a LIE to you. You still believe him and you will always stuck between reality of life. But the doubt is there.
How do I know? Because its the exact same Fairy Tale i've been living in before. The only different was, I had been 24/7 with him nearly 2 or 3 years. Lucky you because you didn't had him for a year together. So all the butterflies are still running through your stomach until now. The flower was still blooming and everyday you will wait for him. Hopes and dreams once he come back, you will be running towards his arms and live happily ever after. I let you dream on it. It is nice to dream rather than wake up to face the reality. Even if I said we haven't divorce legally , you will not believe me. Because you believe that he is single. That was me, I believe he was single even after his EX texted me. Only after a year together that I know the EX was staying in his house when we started our relationship. How does that make you feel when it took you a year to know that? And how did I find out about it? It was by his own mother. Only after I found out about it and I confronted his EX through a phone call. I still remember that was during March, 2020 because me and him was stuck together in our rented room because of Covid-19.

I wanted to write more about it, but I guess I better watch the fairy tale story, sit and relax watching what will be next. If he suddenly Gaslighting you, be aware that he might already had somebody new. You might find its hard to contact him and you will find out another secret everytime you tried to spy on him. Come on! Woman to woman? I know we are great at spying our man. We can work wonders regarding the one we love. No matter near or far we are. How do you think his EX found me? Its not through his phone but she knows my Facebook account. Lol. That's how a woman tried so hard to get what was hers. I even said sorry to his EX after I know that she was never did anything wrong, she was just trying to remind me that he was being lying to me since day 1. We both know once we both didnt hold any feeling towards him, we can be friends. Now its YOUR turn. But please, this is just me, LYING. Believe him. He will love you more when you listen to him. 😅

And here goes to the one next to him and those who are away, did you all ever wonder why he's still coming back to you? Did you ever wonder did he really felt hurt by his past relationship? Because I know he will take a longer time to get attached and closer to others because he doesn't trust easily. But why YOU? Not somebody NEW? Let me make it clear here, he haven't felt that YOU has abandoned him or neglect his needs. He knows you are still fall for his charm eventhough you know he might have lied before. But doesn't it was fast for him to move on? Or he just making you as a REBOUND? We are talking about HIM, here! From the way he write his blog you should know what kind of man he is. With all his past experience and all the obstacles he went through, do you think he will be that easy? I'm well aware about him because we both was broken,hurt and I am 100% sure that we both know each other so well.

I am well aware that he can't find anybody NEW because he needs to finish what he had started with YOU. But if you are the woman of his dream, then I would say CONGRATULATIONS in advanced. I'm pretty sure you can stand his two-sides and mood swings. I know I did because I used to believe it is not permanent. But that's just HIM. Accept his flaws, do what he wants. He needs all the "s€x" and he needs to feel the closure. He need your attention always. Once you didn't give him what he wants, he might be turning to something that you won't want him to become. Sometimes I do wish that he treated me like his FWB (Friend With Benefit). I even did asked him to treat me like one after few times we argue. But he can't. He said all his FWB has no feeling attached,unlike with me. I know we were good together but we can only be friend. That was the only thing that I regret the most. I guess If we were friend, me and him can rob a bank together or we both may end up fighting other people. He knows my temper and I know his. We can be a good partner in crime. Lol🤣

I know YOU had met a lots of man in your life. Let me ask you one simple question. Did they talked bad about about their EX'S? Come on, man don't tell their past. They had their ego's. They won't let you know their weaknesses . Unlikely HIM. He is one of the kind who tells. Even my EX'S only tell me about their experience ONCE and then we will never talked or dragged it Maybe this have to do with their upbringing or maybe their age. Ever wonder why he's looking for an older woman? Even YOU are older than him. Don't give me that "AGE IS JUST A NUMBER" bullshit, he were keen with older woman because they are compationate, responsible, matured and I know he will find an intelligent woman that he can talked with and if you are independent, YOU ARE A BONUS to him. Because he want both of you to be responsible & financially stable. Keep that in mind so that you will last with him.

I'm saying this because I used to work. We used to share. We use to eat out together, either I pay or he pay for the meal, I cooked, he cooked and almost everything share together. He paid the rent, I'll be buying the groceries. But that was once upon a time.
I know that this Pandemic really hit us both so hard. If he said I was mentally ill, let me be clear here that he was the first one who needed his prescriptions. He even had to argue with the Hospital Staff because they can't co-operate with him. Until he had to call Bukit Padang, KK to release his records. But well, it will always be me the crazy one. Just because I was warded. The real story was, the doctor asked my mom to let me warded so that he will not get angry or argue with me back at home, because he scolded me in front of the PSY doctor at the emergency ward. He should remember that my mom was called in to see me before I was admitted. Because the doctor have to explain to my mom the reason why I was admitted. I know that the doctor have written that on my admitted ward form. I guess that was the lowest time in my life that I have no self-esteem and self-awareness. I admit it, that very day onwards was the hardest. He left the day I was discharged and by the time he left, the burden have lifted. But I still called him and asked him to change his mind. It took me nearly a month or two just to think straight. That was the time I know we were both toxic people. If he didn't admit it, then its up to him. I was always the one to blame,right?

In the end, all will comes to understanding. What he needs is most important. He might giving you everything for now because you haven't pass the one year yet. You haven't neglect his needs yet. You are not sick or jobless yet. Just don't make any mistakes as above. The most important thing that he will start NOT TO LIKE YOU when there's nothing to be serve for him. I meant there's no closure or no intimates with each other. Did you think it was food to be serve? Its Not FOOD! lol. Once you can't fulfill that, you are useless. He will wants it everyday and he will be proud to tell you how good he was and how big he got that the woman or his EX'S still wanting that. Man,sometimes they need to boost their self-esteem by saying that, so that they are manly enough for you. Take note!

But that was him, do not compared me and him.
Its been a year and I still can stand being single rather than putting myself out in danger. If he had said his recent relationship was the worst, he might not be jumping so fast to a new relationship. I know I don't, because for me i'm too afraid to get hurt and be blame for. Not anymore. It might take me awhile to break down my wall or maybe it won't fall at all. I will do better things for myself and my families.
Unlikely him, he can be away from YOU, his family and most important thing you need to bare in mind, a sick and old mother. Since he told you his siblings are useless, why did he went away? To grow? Its so funny to me, but as we all matured enough to think wisely, to change and to grow, it doesn't mean you need to neglect your own mother unless you can grow without her. If he read this, I'm challenging you to be RICH! So you will be happy. Sorry if my opinion will hurt you both. Its the way we grow are not the same. We wanted to change and be better but in other direction. So respect that!

Maybe I am family oriented, so my mind will said, family comes first! I'm not cursing or hoping for a bad things to happen, but if I had to go through another lost, I rather be prepare and stay closer. We won't know how long we can be alive and how long our loved one will be alive. And Yes, it is too painful when someone you loved passed away. Not only my late Ex died in a car accident but at the same time I havent get over my late Step-Father passing. And after my late Ex passing, it was his father that pass away. So, Yes Ive lost a lot of people that I loved and Im sure I never make fun of his brother passing.
Never try to put a death man as a reason for you to accuse me. Because I know, its not a joke. I know now why you blaming me, someone told me just because I had click a wrong emoji on a picture. I'm not sure which picture, but Its okay, I know for sure I never meant to hit that emoji. My hand will answer it for you late brother, I know that if you think Im joking about his passing. And IF in your entire life you have never mistakenly click the wrong emoji on facebook, I will kiss both of your feet. But if you do, stop trying to find some ridiculous things to blame me.

Last but not least, if I said he was a good man, HE WAS! Maybe he IS for you. I said he was a good man for me, because Im used to be his Princess on the Fairy Tales once upon a time. Like how YOU are now. Everything will be beautiful and everything is RIGHT. He will be charming as ever and he will sweet talk you into whatever he wants and you will do as he says. BUT, wait until he knows you had finish all the requirement that he needs and you doesn't imply to it all over again, you will be MUTED for sure. My advice to YOU, do not LOVE deeply and TRUST 100% to a man which you know might not be your future. I'm telling you, because getting your heart broken after you given it all, is not a good experience to have and to be remember.
I am stuck with it now and that experience had make me what I am today. Don't mind me because I had married before. But if you have a better choice for your future, don't waste it. I'm just ranting here and I hope I make myself clear. If I can clear all his accusation towards me, I can list it down for YOU together with all the proof. I just give out one of his accusation, as he said that, he had to stay on the side of the road the night he was out from my house, damn! Please my dear soon to be Ex Husband,, that night itself I know you in Pavilion Hotel. I know the exact time you checked in and checked out. But I guess you want it to be a tragic stories to tell others so they feel sorry for you. Come on! You said you want to grow, stop lying and be a man about it. Admit it that you were lying about being on the street that night. But if you still claimed that was the truth, then I will have to NOD and SMILE, because I know YOU know, its not !.

Thanks for reading. This was all my compilation notes that I've been saving. I haven't write out the one that was on my journal. I would like to end this with Assalamualaikum and May God Bless All Of You. ✌️

With ❤️,
The Soon To Be EX- WIFE.

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