I think I've decided what I want out of this blog.
I blogged a few years ago for a few weeks. I was totally fake. I've deleted all of those posts now. I blogged about technology and different products. I had this idea in my mind that if I blogged about technology then maybe I'll get a following and it would lead to more sales for bazinga and/or I'd get sent free tech stuff. Well, that lasted less than a month. I couldn't continue with it anymore because I just was not that interested. I was trying to be someone I'm not. I couldn't keep it up.
Now, I'm just writing. Simply spewing my thoughts into a wordpress blog. I don't hope to get anything out of this now. I'm just enjoying writing. Putting out some real thoughts. I guess this is what they meant when they said "putting yourself out there". That may be a cliché.
Well, it's what I'm doing now. Being myself when I write. 25 year old. 'Normal' 25 year old.
I guess I'm normal but I hope not. It's funny how we want to fit in so much during our childhood years that we get good at fitting in. I don't want to fit in anymore. I find myself challenging the status quo. Why should I get stuck in traffic everyday? Why should I buy a house I can't afford to be handcuffed to a mortgage? Why should I eat meat?
I'm 25.
26 in March. It's not too far away. Friend of mine did something and I jokingly said "You're closer to 30 than 20. Grow up". I said it jokingly, but damn. It's true.
We are growing up and sometimes we may not realize it.
When I first started at my job people were so shocked when they heard I was 22.
"Only 22? Wow good for you." Now I'm 25 and I hear that less and less.
I didn't feel much different. I mean it's only 3 years. Am I supposed to feel completely different? Reading has helped me realize, yes, I should feel different.
I read something like "If you are the same person you were 3 months ago, then what have you been doing for 3 months?"
Holy shit. This guy is talking about 3 months. I'm here saying I don't feel any different after 3 years.
I'm starting to take a cold, hard look at myself. At my life. I have this vision of my life as a sailboat. I think it came to me from something my dad once said. You can let the current take you anywhere or you can get behind the wheel and go places you've always wanted to go.
There are big changes in the near future for me. My fiancé and I have made some decisions that I won't share here just yet. Still have to tell my family and friends first. Probably, the only people reading this blog right now but I think I should tell them in person.
I realized before making these decisions that it's great to just step away from things and really concentrate on what I want. Start With Why. I haven't read this book yet but from what I've heard about it, I think I get the gist of it.
I asked myself why about a lot of things lately. One thing that has changed significantly for me is how infrequently I watch sports now.
I was a fanatic. I couldn't look away. This may be okay for some people but I have too many teams. I watched Galatasaray games. 90 minutes twice a week and if they lost my entire mood changed. I would snap at my family. I would get mad for something incredibly insignificant.
I watched NBA. Raptors games. GSW games. Cavs games. Whatever was on. Sit there and watch. 2-3 hours a night.
Football. I'd watch the Giants every week. 3 hours every Sunday.
I'd watch other Turkish League games. 90 minutes a game.
Barcelona games. 90 minutes twice a week for that too.
If nothing else was on I'd watch tennis. I've never played tennis in my life but I'd watch. 2-3 hours a game.
Look at all this time. Wasted.
That's right, wasted. On what? Why did I watch so intently?
As if I was going to excel somehow by just watching sports. Don't get me wrong, I still watch, but not nearly as much as I used to. Now, if my team loses, then oh well. I'm not going to let it affect my mood. Life is way too short.
These guys are making their millions whether I'm upset after they lose or not. It took me a long time to realize this but that's the reality of the situation.
What I was trying to say is I've decided that this blog will be about my life. It will be about a 25 year old kid trying to make it through everyday struggles.
I have a wife-to-be. I have a Doberman puppy, Niko. I have family. I have friends. I'm marrying into another family. I own a home with my financée.
Thinking about all of these things can weigh heavy on me. I grind my teeth at night. Especially when I'm stressed. I didn't know about this until my dentist said I've already deteriorated some of my teeth.
That's no way to live. I shouldn't be so stressed about my life that I'm waking up with headaches because I grind my teeth all night long due to stress.
I'm starting to take a hold of the wheel. I'm going to start steering towards things that make me happy.
This is what I'll write about. As much as I can. My life. My trials and tribulations. My decisions. I'm not perfect. Not even close. I'm learning as I go, as I think we all are. Hopefully, if you're are reading this my experiences can help you too and we can all learn together.
