I am not going to get too political on this substack. That has more of a place in the Anarchist Investor (anarchistinvestor.substack.com) substack or the Ungovernable Podcast (twitter.com/ungovernpod). But this is very relevant to my personal story and a big motivation for doing this cleanse.
I lost my mother-in-law and father-in-law 7 days apart in September of 2021 after being admitted to the hospital with COVID (I’ve chosen this phrasing very purposefully). Moreover, I was working in Risk Management for a number of towns and schools in New Jersey during the harshest period of the lock downs. My experience over the last three years has brought me to despise government and how it operates. A key here is it’s not all of the people in government I despise (though a couple are big exceptions). It’s the mechanism and resulting suffering that it causes because of it. A huge influence on my thinking is Anatomy of the State by Murray Rothbard. Available for free to download thanks to the Mises Institute. Download link here: DOWNLOAD.
Once you begin to see it from this frame of reference, it gets very easy to become “black pilled”. I know the blue and red pill reference get thrown around a lot these days but there are all kinds of pills now. Black pilled refers to a very negative, pessimistic view of the world. Its’ answer is the White Pill. Knowing that the world sucks, do what you can to make it better for yourself and others (and no the answer isn’t through governmental action).
My black pill was pretty extreme. I had an extreme urge to move my family to the woods and isolate from everyone. I was convinced that the political and cultural state of New Jersey was the polar opposite of what we needed in our lives. Which still may be true but it doesn’t mean we were in imminent danger. We were on the verge of getting the house renovated to sell it and moving to New Hampshire. This instinct still sits with me to this day. There is a land purchase in our near future either in New Hampshire or Idaho.
Being black pilled can be consuming, like a black hole. It’s very difficult to be positive or work toward goals when you think the whole of reality is doomed to suffering and harming each other. Mental and physical health degrades quite rapidly and can reach caveman like levels…just instinct and impulse guiding your everyday. Consuming crappy “food”, drinking/smoking all the time, staying up late to watch netflix or play video games, waking up late, no physical activity, etc. It’s not too unlike the routine most folks are trapped in and a bunch of them probably are black pilled whether they know it or not.
Along came cold showers and my wife’s amazing, crazy, beautiful ability to be completely open to some off the wall things that she then ropes me into trying. It’s really all Russell Brand’s fault for interviewing Wim Hof on his show. Cold showers became my Mt. Everest. No matter how shitty I thought the world was, at least I was able to conquer my own fear of that cold water every morning. And then when I did, I had a sense of accomplishment. And nothing most days comes close to being as difficult as jumping into that shower.
The cold water got me up and moving in the morning. It got Jocelyn and I talking about and working on something together. It also built a foundation off of which we were able to expand the amazing/crazy path that was opening up in front of us. We then added Transcendental Meditation (TM). Once again Jocelyn led and I followed. She’s a fixed fate in Human Design so you’re either on her train or you’re left behind. I definitely want to stay on the train to see where it goes. TM has given me a space every day to clear all of the crap away and just be in my calm, infinite expansiveness. It’s a settling force that also opens up so much opportunity for amazing things to come into my life.
Next came journaling and specifically gratitude journaling and I can’t stress enough how much this has helped me. Naming things in the world you are grateful for every morning (no matter how small) gives you something to latch onto for your day that isn’t shit (or going to shit). It helps you realize that there are some amazing things in your life…like naps, hugs from your kids, dog kisses, impromptu dance parties and so much more. And those things make this life incredibly precious.
Once we got the morning routine going for a while, it became set. This was a positive and a small negative. It meant we could depend on it but complacency could set in. These amazing things might be taken for granted. I felt myself stagnating when there was so much more to do. I was also still engaged in unhealthy behavior that was the furthest thing from self-care (ie - smoking, drinking, and my diet). Add on top of that losing my father in January of 2023. I had actually quit smoking for a short while before that and used it as an excuse to jump right back into it.
The routine was there to help me through that difficult time and I somehow held things together. Once I was able to come up for air, I realized that I need another type of ‘cold shower’ to shock me into a better place. That’s where this cleanse comes in. I still have so much work to do on myself, I need a reminder ever three months to do the damned work. I can’t get lulled to sleep by the consistency of the morning routine and think that makes everything perfect. There is way more I need to do to get to balance. Just quitting smoking again wasn’t going to do it. I needed something extreme but also healthy. So the 30 Day Whole Life Cleanse became my thing. Getting back to base level. The level of health and balance that needs to be present before you venture off a little into some unhealthy adventures. A place to return to when it’s evident I’ve indulged in too much fun. And ultimately, the place I need to be at to fully understand who I am and how I am when I take the white pill.
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