Well, I made a little big mistake last week, one that I will make sure it never repeats itself. It's not that much of a big thing, but it hit me hard. Someone happened to offend me, the words of this lady cut through me like a blade, I wasn't expecting such from her. And instead of speaking up, I just swallowed it and kept mute.
That silence of mine was my biggest mistake. I smiled as if nothing happened, I laughed with her and acted like, it was nothing. But the truth is, it never left me, I kept thinking about it. I retired for the bed that night and couldn't sleep, I was just rolling on the bed while replaying what happened that evening and repeating those words, word for word. I was just thinking of how I could have responded to her as well, not as if to insult her, fight or extend the argument, no, but just to let her know she's gone overboard and that that which she said was too much and that it hurt me.
But at that moment, being silent feels like the easiest thing to do, but that night it became a burden, a weighty one that I can't lift off. And that's when I realized that there are times that silence is not golden and that silence at times is not maturity. I thought I had chosen peace, but inside of me wasn't peaceful, I thought I had chosen to be calm but inside of me, I felt unsettled. I had chosen to avoid conflicts/extending the argument, but then a war was happening right inside my own mind. Speaking up at times is we respecting ourselves to say that which we feel without fear. If you don't set boundaries and live with certain principles, people will step on you and walk over you. And you will feel a kind of pain that swallows you up.
People will always offend us, people will always say things out of anger, disrespect, ignorance and all. My mistake here was the fact that I kept mute and pretend as if it didn't hurt. So, this week, such won't happen, henceforth, such won't happen. I will speak up because my feelings deserve some space too.
Mind you, if it were possible that I go back that moment,.I would love to. I won't be going there to shout, fight or cause chaos, no. I'm only going there to speak clearly and with dignity. It's good to voice out and speak up, when you silence yourself and refuse to speak, then you've knowingly and unknowingly teach others to silence you st an given instance.
And that was my mistake last week, one that won't happen this week or henceforth.
Images are mine.
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