HEALING DAMAGED EMOTIONS

HEALING DAMAGED EMOTIONS

I. Victory Over Anxiety

KEY PASSAGE: Philippians 4:4-7 | Support: Matthew 6:25-34 | John 14:1, 27 | Acts 18:9-10

I.1. Emotions greatly influence how we live our lives: They are a gift from God, provided so we can enjoy life and relate to others. How we express them determines whether they are beneficial or detrimental. Either we control them, or they control us. Our emotions are good if they are kept in proportion, but when we allow them to control us, we are more likely to harm others and ourselves. Anxiety is the most prominent emotion that people are experiencing today. It’s important to realize that feeling anxious is not a sin, but the Lord doesn’t want us to live in a continual state of dread because of life’s uncertainties. All people encounter situations that cause them to be nervous; sometimes it’s unavoidable. For example, if you heard that your child had been in a car accident, your heart would immediately be filled with worry. That’s a completely natural feeling. However, it’s important to understand what we should do with anxiety and how long we let it control us.

I.2. What is anxiety? In the New Testament, the word anxiety means “to be distracted or pulled apart.” This is the opposite of peace, which means, “to be bound together.” It can also be defined as “dread, apprehension, and uncertainty” and can be caused by past events, present situations, or future possibilities. Sometimes, anxiety is a fear of not being in control. Situations over which we have no control make us feel vulnerable and cause us to worry.

I.3. What are the sources of anxiety? First of all, we must understand that God is not the creator of anxiety and that worry doesn’t fit our identity as followers of Christ. Instead, He commands us to trust the heavenly Father (Matt. 6:25-26). However, when we worry, it’s important to know there are:

I.3.1. Legitimate causes: Some things are just naturally going to create anxiety. For example, if you didn’t study for an exam, you have good reason to feel nervous.

I.3.2. Inappropriate reasons: At other times, our worries are caused when we feel we might not get what we want. It could be some possession we’ve dreamed of having or a relationship we want to keep, even if we know it’s not right.

I.3.2. Unacknowledged issues: When we don’t deal with the cause of our anxiety, it takes up long-term residence within us, causing all sorts of emotional and physical problems. Some people actually give up and live in misery. Once an issue is settled, they’ll find something else to fear and dread, but this is not the way God wants His children to live.

I.4. Why should we avoid anxiety?

I.4.1. It isn’t scriptural: In a single passage of Scripture, Jesus said, “Do not be anxious” three times (Matthew 6:25-34). He explained that it is unnecessary because the Father will provide what we need. As His children, we can trust that He will do what He’s promised. We simply can’t accept a lifestyle of anxiety when Jesus is our Prince of Peace.

I.4.2. Anxiety has a negative effect on every area of our lives because it: –Divides our minds. Apprehension pulls us in two different directions, making it hard to focus on important matters. – Decreases our productivity. Because we are distracted with worry, we can’t give anything else our best efforts. –Affects our personal relationships with others. It’s hard to keep anxieties to ourselves. When we’re filled with fear, we burden people who are around us. – Leads to unwise decisions. Those who are overly concerned about the future are prone to make hasty decisions to stop feeling uncertain. – Steals our joy and peace. It’s impossible for us to be fretful and peaceful at the same time. – Proves to be a terrible waste of time and energy. Uncertainty, frustration, and worry are exhausting and achieve nothing. Also, they hinder us from accomplishing God’s goals for our lives.

I.5. What is the correct way to deal with anxiety? With so much at stake, it’s foolish to give in to anxiety or seek quick, temporary relief. If you never get to the root of the problem, worries will soon move beyond negative emotions and cause many physical problems. The solution can be found in Philippians 4:4-7. Instead of being anxious, you should:

I.5.1. Bring your worries to God: Whatever is troubling you is a matter for prayer. The first step to freedom from anxiety is openly acknowledging your fears and concerns to the Lord.

I.5.2. Come to the Lord with an attitude of thanksgiving: When you’re apprehensive, you may not feel grateful, but when you think about God’s loving involvement in every aspect

of your life, the reasons why you should always praise Him become clear.

I.5.3 Come with a threefold conviction: Remember three important things: First, the Lord loves you unconditionally and wants the best for you. Second, He has the desire and power to help you. Third, He has promised to relieve you of your worries, so you can expect Him to do just that.

I.5.4 Recognize that anxiety is a faith battle: You must believe that God will replace your anxieties with His unfathomable peace when you bring them to Him. If you surrender your concerns into His hands and trust Him to walk with you through the fears and uncertainties, you can have His amazing peace—even if all hell breaks loose around you.

Conclusion: As great as all these promises are, they will not be yours if you give Christ your worries with one hand and take them back with the other. True freedom is only possible when we finally admit that a burden is too heavy to carry. We must completely surrender our apprehensive thoughts to Him because we’ll never be free as long as we hold onto them and focus on what could happen. Many times, I’ve seen people who have been freed from anxiety. It was like a light had been turned on—their smiles came back, and their attitude completely changed. The bondage that darkened their lives for so long was broken, and they were free to live in the joy and peace of Christ. Remember, no one has to live in anxiety; it’s a choice. Freedom and peace await those who are willing to give their worries to God and leave them in His hands.

II. Victory Over Guilt

Key passage: John 8:1-11 | Supporting Scripture: Genesis 3:7 | Psalms 51:4; 66:18 | Matthew 26:33-35, 69-75 ; John 2:25

II.1. Everyone experiences guilt now and then, but for some people, it’s a constant companion. Many times, they can’t even identify a specific reason for feeling worthy of blame, but a sense of condemnation robs them of joy, assurance, and confidence. We must realize that this is not how God designed guilt to operate in our lives. The story of Jesus and the woman who was caught in adultery is an example of true guilt (John 8:1-11). She stood before the scribes and Pharisees without any excuse for her behavior. Everyone knew she had broken the Mosaic Law and deserved death. But when Jesus challenged those without sin to cast the first stone, all her accusers walked away. He then told her, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more” (v. 11). That’s how Christ responds to sin. He’s not in the business of condemning us but of removing our guilt and cleansing our lives. That is why, in order to spiritually benefit from guilt, we must understand where it comes from and how God uses it.

II.2. What is guilt? Guilt can be defined two ways. The first is a state of having done something wrong or committing an offence, either legal or ethical. The second is a painful feeling of self-condemnation for having done something immoral, wrong, or sinful. It’s important to remember that not all feelings of guilt are legitimate. Some are appropriate

responses to wrongdoing, but others are just vague feelings of unworthiness without a definite source or reason.

II.2.1. Good guilt is the result of disobedience to God and His Word. This painful and often uncomfortable emotion is actually a gift from the Lord. It’s His way of warning us that we have strayed into dangerous territory and need to turn back to Him. To ignore these feelings and keep going will result in severe consequences. You could think of this type of guilt as God’s red light in your life. When it flashes, He’s looking out for you and wants to protect you from the hardships and suffering that always follow disobedience. Good guilt is true; it’s a feeling the Lord wants all His children to experience when they ignore His commands. If sin no longer bothers us, we’re on dangerous ground. But that’s the way much of the world lives—trying to avoid acknowledging their sins. That’s why the Ten Commandments, the Bible, and even the church are offensive to some people. They remind them that something is not right in their lives.

II.2.2. Bad guilt is the result of wrong thinking, not wrong actions. We can actually believe something is a sin when it isn’t. This mistake usually happens because of what we’re taught, especially in our early years. For instance, some legalistic churches make their own lists of what they define as unacceptable behaviors, many of which are not biblically based. Always remember that bad guilt is caused by man rather than God. The Lord doesn’t produce or use this kind of guilt in our lives because, instead of guiding people back to Him, a sense of bad guilt leads to anxiety, depression, insecurity, and sadness.

Remember, God’s convictions are specific while Satan’s accusations are vague or generalized feelings of condemnation. When we believe the devil’s lies, a sense of unworthiness hangs over us like a fog and prevents us from growing spiritually.

II.2.3. Other times, we feel a sense of false guilt when we have not committed a wrong. Childhood abuses, tragic accidents, past failures, and falling short of the unrealistic expectations of others are just a few causes of false guilt. Even though we’re not to blame, we can carry a heavy burden of self-condemnation for the rest of our lives. This sometimes leads people to believe that God is punishing them and that no matter how many times they confess, they can’t be forgiven.

II.3. What are the consequences of guilt? Good, bad, and false guilt can all produce the same effects:

II.3.1. Fear of being rejected by God. Satan wants us to feel like we’re in imminent danger of the Lord’s judgment. His goal is to keep us living in fear of all the bad things that could happen to us or our loved ones.

II.3.2. Strong feelings of anxiety. Guilt and worry work together to make us miserable.

II.3.2. A driven personality. Often people who are burdened with guilt will work non-stop to overcome the feeling.

II.3.3. A divided mind. Guilt always hinders our ability to focus.

II.3.4. Decreased energy. Persistent guilt is an emotional drain that leaves us feeling exhausted before the day even begins.

II.3.5. A sense of self-punishment. We might think we deserve to be disciplined by the Lord and miss His offer of grace and mercy.

II.3.6. Insecurity. Guilt prevents us from enjoying God’s protection, love, and provision.

II.3.7. Hindered prayer. Satan is always quick to interrupt our prayer time with reminders of past sins. He is attempting to make us believe the Lord would never hear or answer our requests.

II.3.8. Broken fellowship with God. Sustained guilt blocks our relationships with the Lord and prevents us from hearing His voice because we’ll always feel there is something between us.

II.3.9. Depression. Unresolved guilt often produces despair—it’s like a dark cloud that carries all kinds of penalties along with it.

II.3.10. Feelings of unworthiness. We feel we are essentially bad rather than our actions or deeds and forget how valuable we are in God’s eyes.

II.3.11. Shame. Although shame is to be expected when we disobey God, it’s inappropriate if we’re suffering from bad or false guilt.

II.3.13. Strained relationships. A need to cover up sins and failures keeps us from loving and being open with others.

II.3.14. Physical illness. Eventually, sustained guilt takes its toll on our bodies.

Conclusion: No matter what the source of your guilt might be, release is possible. It all begins when you fully understand the substitutionary death of Jesus. He paid the penalty for your sins, and the moment you accept His offer, your offenses— past, present, and future—are forgiven. There is nothing more you need to do. From that point, you must honestly deal with guilt by determining the source. If you have sinned, confess it to God, repent, and turn away from it. Then, on the basis of what Christ did on the cross, you can know you’re forgiven. Even though the consequences may remain, there is no longer any need to hang on to guilt. Instead, take your experience of release and share your testimony with others so they can find the same freedom in the Savior.

III. Victory Over Fear

Key passage: Isaiah 41:10-13 | Supporting Scripture: Psalm 103:19 | Proverbs 1:7 | Ecclesiastes 12:13; John 5:6; 14:1, 27 | 2 Timothy 1:7 | Hebrews 9:27

III.1. This is a fearful time in history. We’re surrounded by many uncertainties that cause us loss or pain, and they can overwhelm us with worry at times. In fact, our society is very anxious. All you have to do is watch the news to see terrifying events happening around the world. However, in spite of all this, God’s people are called to live fearlessly. How can we remain calm and confident in the midst of a frightened generation? The only way is to remember that the Lord has promised to strengthen, help, and uphold us, and He always keeps His Word.

III.2. What is fear?

III.2.1. Fear is an uneasy feeling of dread—like an alarm, warning that something bad is going to happen. It could be caused by a threat or feeling a loss of control in a certain situation.

III.2.2. When the Bible speaks about the fear of the Lord, it isn’t a negative feeling. Instead, it is a good fear—one created by a healthy reverence for a holy, righteous God. As believers, we have no need to be afraid of our heavenly Father.

III.2.3. Remember that fear itself is not bad. But when it’s continually with us, it becomes a problem.

III.3. Many emotions are linked with fear. Many of the negative emotions we experience in life are rooted in fear. For example: n Greed is fear of not having enough.

III.3.1. Rejection is concern about not being accepted. n Guilt is apprehension that our wrongs might be discovered. n Discouragement is a fear of failure caused by a lack of confidence.

III.3.2. Anger is caused by a fear that we may not get our way.

III.3.3. Jealousy is the fear of losing control of what we desire.

III.3.4. Indecision is caused when we worry about making a wrong choice.

III.4. Why are we afraid? “God has not given us a spirit of timidity,” so we know He is never the source of our fears (2 Tim. 1:7). So where do they come from?

III.4.1. Childhood lessons: In their attempts to protect and train us, our parents may have ingrained fears in us that still affect how we live.

III.4.2. Imagination: Sometimes, the nervous system cannot distinguish between a real or imagined danger. We create shadow fears that trouble us.

III.4.3. Sin: Fear is a consequence of disobeying the Lord. It is good because it reminds us that we will give an account of our lives to Him one day.

III.4.4. Ignorance: Some of our fears are based on misinformation instead of the truth.

III.4.5. Doubt: The Lord is our source of security. When we doubt His love and forgiveness, fear replaces trust and peace.

III.4.6. Poor self-image: All people need to feel accepted and valued by others. When this sense of belonging is missing, the fear of rejection takes its place.

III.4.7. Unattainable standards: Sometimes we aim too high and become anxious when it looks like we won’t reach our goals.

III.4.8. Wrong view of God: If we primarily view the Lord as our Judge, we’ll be afraid of Him because we won’t understand the vastness of His love.

III.5. What are the consequences of fear? Passing moments of fear are natural. But when you allow it to rule you, there are consequences. For example, fear:

III.5.1. Divides your mind. You can’t concentrate if apprehensions are constantly distracting you.

III.5.2. Stifles your ability to think and act rightly. Anxieties cloud your mind and keep you from behaving as you should.

III.5.3. Causes indecision. Fear can paralyze you when you need to make choices. n Undermines self-confidence. God has given every person skills and talents, but fear causes you to doubt you can accomplish His work.

III.5.4. Results in panic. If you lose the ability to manage your fears, they control you. n enslaves you with feelings of uncertainty. Whenever long-term situations like health or financial worries have uncertain outcomes, you can be consumed with worry about the future.

III.5.5. Destroys relationships. Those who have experienced difficulties in past relationships may find the fear of repeating those mistakes keeps them from forming new ones.

III.5.6. Steals joy and peace. Think of your life as a machine and joy and peace as the oil that keeps it running smoothly. Fear is like sand that grinds away at the gears and erodes your happiness.

III.5.7. Blocks spiritual growth. You’ll never be able to become the person God wants you to be or achieve what He’s appointed for you to do if you’re afraid to step out in obedience.

III.5.8. Affects health. Prolonged fearful anxiety is linked to a variety of physical disorders— cardiovascular disease, hypertension, digestive problems, and chronic headaches are just a few. It also impacts eating and exercise habits.

III.6. How should you deal with fear?

III.6.1. Acknowledge it. Before you can begin to deal with your fear, you must admit it’s a problem in your life.

III.6.2. Identify its source. Ask yourself if you’re afraid of a situation with an uncertain outcome or of the consequences of past choices. Once you know the true source, you can begin to address it.

III.6.3. Change your focus. When your attention is fixed on your fears, they get bigger, consume more of your life, and shape your decisions. The only way to reverse this negative process is to shift your focus to the most powerful weapon you have—the Word of God.

III.6.4. Rely on Isaiah 41:10. What you are facing is a faith battle. This verse can be your anchor in fearful times if you’ll believe it and count it as true in your situation. The sovereign Ruler of the universe has given you His personal promise to strengthen, help, and uphold you.

III.6.5. Lay down your fear. Based on the certainty that the Lord is faithful, loving, and omnipotent, you have no reason to hold on to your anxieties. He will keep His promise to bring you through fearful times.

Conclusion: What are you going to do with your fears? You can either keep them and suffer the negative consequences, or you can trust the Lord and place them in His loving hands. Even if you can’t change your situation, you don’t have to fear it. Although God doesn’t say in Isaiah 41:10 that He will remove you from fearful circumstances, He promises to strengthen and sustain you through them. Whenever you dwell on uncertainties, remember who upholds you. In almighty God’s hands, you can face anything in life.

IV. Victory over Rejection

Key Passage: Romans 8:31-39 | Supporting Scripture: John 1:11; 3:16 | Romans 5:8; 8:16 | Philippians 4:13

IV.1. People can live in bondage and not even know it. Some prisons don’t require physical bars or chains; they are made by the emotional burden of rejection that affects every area of our lives. It causes us to believe lies about ourselves and undermines our relationship with the Lord. Even though God says He is for us and nothing can separate us from Him (Rom. 8:31-39), past experiences we’ve suffered can oftentimes make us feel differently. If you’ve experienced rejection, you’re not alone. It’s almost impossible to go through life without feeling its sting. Often, the hurt lies dormant until a word, situation, or memory brings it back up, and then the pain resurfaces. Rejection penetrates beneath the surface and shapes what we think and feel about ourselves. The only way to rid ourselves of its effects is to acknowledge its presence, discover its source, and ask the Lord to help us deal with it.

IV.2. The nature of Rejection: Many people in the Bible—Joseph, Moses, David, Paul, and even Jesus—experienced rejection. It is a painful emotion created when someone refuses us. It’s something we’ve all had to go through in our lives, and it has several negative outcomes. For example:

IV.1.1. It creates a feeling of being excluded or unwanted. We can feel unworthy or like we don’t fit in.

IV.1.2. It is a form of control. Those who refuse to accept us can influence what we do and how we think.

IV.1.1. It leads to self-rejection. We become critical of ourselves and lose our self-respect. n it can become a syndrome. If we never deal with our bondage, we can act in ways that cause others to reject us.

IV.2. What are the characteristics of a person suffering from rejection? People who are consciously or unconsciously enslaved by rejection will:

IV.2.1. Have a critical spirit toward themselves and others. People who don’t feel good about themselves might try to bring others down.

IV.2.2. Experience difficulty in loving others. If people cannot love themselves, they’re not equipped to love another person.

IV.2.3. Have feelings of inferiority. Rejection makes people feel as though they’ll never measure up. n Be preoccupied with their appearance. Sometimes, those suffering because of rejection try to dress in ways that help them feel accepted.

IV.2.4. Be prone to perfectionism. To avoid failure, people won’t attempt any task they can’t do perfectly. This also leads to procrastination.

IV.2.5. Live in a state of floating anger. An attitude of bitterness permeates their lives and leads them to find fault with others.

IV.2.6. Display an attitude of superiority. An arrogant demeanor is usually a cover-up for feelings of inferiority.

IV.2.7. Be overly sensitive. Those who struggle with feelings of rejection are easily hurt and are prone to misinterpreting innocent comments as unkind.

IV.2.7. Resist being loved. People who don’t feel worthy have difficulty accepting affection.

IV.2.8. Be suspicious. When people doubt their value, they become suspicious of anyone who tries to befriend them because they think there must be a hidden motive. n Become aloof. To avoid rejection, some people choose to be alone.

IV.2.9. Fall into depression. When people feel unworthy, they become sad and discouraged.

IV.2.10. Be cheated out of life. People who can’t overcome the emotional effects of rejection miss God’s best blessings.

IV.2.10. Have a materialistic focus. To feel valuable, some people gather possessions only to find they never satisfy.

IV.2.11. Miss God’s plan for their lives. Feelings of rejection cheat people out of what the Lord wants to do in and through them.

IV.2.12. Adopt sinful practices. When people can’t accept themselves, they sometimes turn to drugs, drinking, or sex in search of relief.

IV.3. Reasons for Feeling Rejected: The underlying cause of this painful emotion is a person’s negative opinion of himself, which is brought about by hurtful experiences such as:

IV.2.1. Physical “flaws.” A person who isn’t happy with his looks can feel undesirable or unlovable.

IV.2.2. Past emotional hurts. When a person is hurt, the damaging effects always linger. IV.2.3. The death of a loved one. Some people see loss as rejection because they feel alone. In their eyes, God has turned His back on them.

IV.2.4. Divorce. This is a very painful experience because both spouses and children are left feeling discarded.

IV.2.5. Childhood experiences. Criticism and rejection stick in a child’s memory and shape his view of himself. He will spend a lifetime trying to validate his worth.

IV.3. How can we overcome rejection? This negative feeling must be dealt with if we want to be whole, and there are three essential truths we need to understand in order to have the right attitude about ourselves. Thankfully, the Lord has provided them all, so we can be complete and escape the bondage of rejection. Through Him, we gain:

IV.3.1. A sense of belonging. Those in the body of Christ are part of God’s family (Rom. 8:16). Once we fi x this truth in our hearts, we’ll feel secure—no matter what.

IV.3.2. A feeling of worthiness. Jesus considered us so valuable that He was willing to die in our place (John 3:16).

IV.3.3. A sense of competence. When we accepted Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit came to live inside us. One of His tasks is enabling us to accomplish whatever tasks God calls us to do (Phil. 4:13).

Conclusion: There is no need to go through life handicapped by past experiences. The first step to victory over a debilitating sense of rejection comes when you choose to believe the Lord and find your acceptance in Him. He says you belong to Him and are worthy in His eyes. Second, ask the Lord’s forgiveness for allowing hurtful emotions to hinder your walk with Him and to help you sift them out of your life. The third thing you need to do is reach out to those you have harmed and seek their forgiveness because true healing requires us to address both sides of rejection. In the end, it boils down to a simple choice—are you going to believe what God says or what others say about you?

V. Victory Over Anger

Key Passage: Ephesians 4:26-32 | Supporting Scripture: Genesis 3:12 | Proverbs 14:17;15:1, 18; 16:32; 22:24-25 | Ecclesiastes 7:9 | Matthew 21:13-14; 23:13-33 | Luke 23:34 | Mark 3:2-5

V.1. Are You Angry? Anger can be either good or bad. Righteous anger motivates us to fight for the truth, defend the weak, or advance the kingdom of God. Unholy anger is rooted in selfishness, such as a reaction to an insult or disappointment. It devastates marriages, separates children and parents, and poisons business relationships.This type of hostility can even affect our health.That’s why Paul instructed us,“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Eph.4:26-27).The apostle encouraged believers to deal quickly with anger before it could take its toll on their lives. Let’s explore what the Bible says about this powerful emotion.

V.1.1. Anger Defined: Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice towards yourself or others important to you.It falls into one of three categories.1) Rage: an explosive, uncontrolled expression of anger. 2) Resentment:unexpressed anger.When people try to deny their hostility, resentment is the result. This type of anger will destroy them from the inside out. That’s one reason why the Bible instructs us to address conflicts quickly (Eph.4:26). 3) Indignation:righteous anger about a wrong that another person is suffering or a situation that is unholy.God’s anger falls into this category.

V.1.2. Anger in Scripture: The Old Testament books of wisdom provide some of the best verses on this subject.From Proverbs, we learn that“a quick-tempered man acts foolishly” (14:17), and“a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”(Prov.15:1).Proverbs 16:32 says,“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.”Those who are slow to anger may still become upset, but they control their emotions rather than letting anger turn to rage. The Bible also cautions us against entering a close friendship, business partnership, or marriage with someone who can not control himself or herself. Proverbs 22:24-25 says,“Do not associate with a man given to anger;or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 tells us that“anger resides in the bosom of fools.” You and I need to instruct our children and grandchildren about the importance of associating with those who can hold their tempers. That advice may save them from a lifetime of heartache. Anger plays an important role in many well known Bible stories.The first person to become angry wasAdam, who bitterly blamed Eve for their sin (Gen.3:12).Cain killed his brother because of jealousy overAbel’s acceptable offering.Moses was upset at the Israelites for their lack of trust in the Lord. Saul’s hostility towards David began with envy over the younger man’s success in battle. Jonah became angry when God showed mercy to Nineveh.And Peter violently defended Christ in the garden of Gethsemane—cutting off a man’s ear.

V.1.3. Causes of Anger: There are a number of common reasons for this emotion.1) Not getting our way: Some people grow angry when they lose control of a situation. 2) Feeling rejected: Being excluded, overlooked, or mistreated can stir up hostility. 3) Loss: Losing what we cherish, or simply fearing that loss, can make us angry. 4) Disappointment: Unmet expectations can lead to anger. 5) Injustice: When we see people mistreated, we can become indignant on their behalf. 6) Feeling inadequate: Comparing our lives to those of others may upset us.Any one of these causes—along with a host of others—can cause anger.

V.1.4. Good vs. Bad Anger: The Bible reveals the Father and the Son expressing holy anger.Since we know that God is perfect and just, His anger can not be unrighteous.The Lord became angry with the Israelites for marrying foreign women.He knew that their wives would introduce the worship of pagan gods. Jesus angrily rebuked the Pharisees on their legalistic and unmerciful interpretations of God’s laws (Mark 3:2-5). In a scathing speech, He accused them of hypocrisy because they had unclean hearts but pretended to be holy. (Matt. 23:13-33). His indignation at how they were using the temple as a means of growing wealthy led Him to turn over their tables and chase them from His Father’s house (Matt. 21:13-14). You and I can have holy anger when we become upset because of how someone else is treated or if we are motivated to resolve an unholy situation. Selfish anger is unjustified.Most of our anger is unrighteous because it is motivated by self-interest. For instance, if someone hurts your feelings, you don’t have a right to hold that against them. You must forgive that person.Unrighteous anger generally takes one of two forms. Powder keg anger is explosive. It usually takes those in its path—such as a spouse—by surprise.Even worse is crock pot anger , which simmers and boils for a long time. Some people may be in complete denial that they are angry, or they might take pride in their ability to control themselves. But denied anger is like a poison spiritually, emotionally, and physically.In time, it will destroy you.

V.1.4. A Five-fold Test for Anger: Ask yourself these questions to see if you are harboring unrighteous anger:

V.1.4.1 Is my anger directed toward another person? Try to identify the individual. V.1.4.2. Is it without a justifiable cause? If your anger is selfish, you simply need to forgive that person.

V.1.4.3. Am I seeking vengeance? If you have a desire to “get them back,”or harm them in some way for what they did, you are not operating according to biblical principles.

V.1.4.4. Am I cherishing anger? You might resist surrendering your frustration to the Lord.Maybe on some level, you want to be upset.Unless you release it to God, however, you will be unable to experience the freedom He longs to give you.

V.1.5.5. Do I have an unforgiving spirit? Perhaps you feel that you just can’t lay down your anger. But with the Lord’s help, I’m confident you can.

Conclusion: Unrighteous anger ruins lives if it is left unchecked. It destroys marriages, families, and other relationships.It hinders our fellowship with God and stifles our joy.That’s why believers must carefully avoid associating with those who are quick to anger.We should also examine our lives to make sure this emotion does not hold us in bondage. While suffering a horrible death on the cross, Jesus prayed,“Father, forgive them;for they do not know what they are doing”(Luke 23:34). Let’s follow His example and graciously forgive anyone who offends us. That way, you and I will be free to enjoy the abundant life God has planned for us.

V.2. Consequences of Anger

Key Passage: Ephesians 4:26-27 | SUPPORTING SCRIPTURE: Matthew 5:23-24 | Luke 23:34

V.2.1. Only foolish people fail to consider the effects of their choices in life. Every action, great or small, has a consequence. Yet many people don’t realize the cost of holding on to anger. They may imagine that if their grudge is justified, they have a right to nurture it.Harboring anger is an understandable reaction to life’s hurts and disappointments, but the effects of unforgiveness are devastating. Few people realize that anger takes a horrible toll on our relationships, health, and fellowship with God. That’s why the Bible instructs us to deal quickly with this potentially destructive emotion.

V.2.2. Anger Defined: This emotion is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice towards yourself or others important to you.There are three types of anger.1) Rage is usually an explosive expression of anger. 2) Resentment is repressed or suppressed anger. 3) Indignation is righteous anger over a wrong someone else has suffered or an unjust situation.

V.2.3. A Three-fold Warning: In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul gives some guidelines about handling hostility. First, he says we are to “be angry, and sin not.” In other words, don’t give in to rage and resentment towards another person. Second, he cautions us,“Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”God does not want us to go to bed without dealing with the anger we felt that day.Third, the apostle says,“Do not give the devil an opportunity.”Tragically, you and I sometimes become upset unnecessarily because we misunderstand another person’s comment. No matter what the cause, this destructive emotion gives Satan a foothold in our lives.

V.2.4. The Consequences of Anger:

V.2.4.1. To ourselves: The most obvious and immediate effect of unjust anger in our lives is broken fellowship with God. Jesus said,“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt.5:23-24).We can’t be angry with another individual and at peace with the Lord. Your relationships with other people will suffer.For example, a marriage will not thrive if one or both spouses become angry and refuse to address the problem.You will develop a critical spirit.Bitter people often become judgmental in an effort to justify their anger.You will lack peace.Hostility makes you restless and robs you of joy.Anger leads to emotional isolation.When people get hurt, they often try to protect themselves from further hurt by pushing others away. Anger results in frustration and anxiety. It distorts your thinking.You may come to expect betrayal or constantly question the motives of those who are kind to you. It leaves you feeling empty. God designed us for relationships.When we cut ourselves off from friendships in order to prevent further hurt, He allows us to feel lonely. The consequences of anger are far-reaching. It can cause you to become narrow in mind and heart.You begin to criticize and belittle others— perhaps through joking—but the barbs are real. Anger sometimes manifests itself through chronic tardiness. By being late, people seek to demonstrate that no one can tell them what to do. Hostility can make you disagreeable.In other words, if you have unresolved anger, it can make you argumentative with everyone, not just the person who offended you.Anger can make you sloppy on the job.You may begin to justify failing to look your best, do your best, and be your best at work. Anger can cause you to lose your enthusiasm. You may withdraw from social activities or lose your excitement for your hobbies and passions.Hostility, if left unchecked, results in procrastination. It diminishes your ability to concentrate so you are less likely to complete tasks. Anger can contribute to obesity because people try to comfort themselves through food.It also prevents genuine sexual intimacy in marriage.

V.2.4.2. To our health: God did not design the human body to live with unresolved, unrighteous anger. In the short term, it increases your adrenaline level, heart rate, and blood pressure.Your mouth may become dry and your palms can get sweaty.Your stomach often tenses, interrupting digestion, while blood rushes to supply your muscles with extra energy. Chronic rage or resentment, over the long term, contributes to ulcers, hypertension, heart disease, heart attacks, and stroke.It can result in crippling arthritis and severe depression. In short, every system of your body is at risk of being affected. Initially, you may not feel these devastating effects of anger, but in time, it can destroy you.When you’re tempted to become bitter, ask yourself, “Is that offense worthy of my getting a chronic illness? Is it worth dying over?” To other people: Anger also affects almost everyone in our lives.When people are upset, they typically vent their frustration on those closest to them, hurting them in the process.

Resentment separates close friendships and other relationships.It’s often a factor in divorce.Rage can result in physical damage to the belongings of others and, sometimes, take the lives of innocent people.When you are tempted to take your anger out on others, remember that Jesus forgave those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34).Since none of us have experienced anything as horrible as what Christ suffered, we should be willing to forgive those who sin against us. To God: You may be surprised to learn that your unrighteous anger affects the Lord. First, it grieves His heart. Hostility does not fit who we are as children of God. Second, it hinders His work.Those who harbor resentment are often not willing to obey His voice.Third, the Father will not pour out His blessing on an angry person. Unresolved and deep-seated bitterness can destroy us. But through prayer and reading His Word, you and I can defuse this controlling, damaging emotion.

Conclusion: Perhaps someone abandoned you, insulted you, or embarrassed you in some fashion. Maybe you’ve been holding a grudge for weeks, months, or even years. Regardless of its cause, unrighteous hostility is a destructive force. I encourage you to think about how anger will affect you, your relationships with others, and your fellowship with God.Evaluate whether the offense is worth all the negative consequences it will introduce in your life and the lives of others. If you are willing to forgive instead, you will experience healing. Forgiveness might save your job, your marriage, or your relationship with a loved one. One thing is for certain: letting go of anger will keep you from self-destruction.Why not give it a try today?

V.3. How to Handle Anger

Key Passage: Ephesians 4:29-32 | Supporting Scripture: Psalm 103:8 | Proverbs 22:24-25; 30:33 Matthew 21:13-14; 23:13-33 | Mark 3:2-5 | Luke 23:34 | Ephesians 4:26-27 | Colossians 3:12 | James 1:19

V.3.1. What does it take to make you angry? Does the slightest insult or off-hand remark make you upset? Or does the problem have to be really big before you get mad? I believe the measure of a person is the size of the offense that makes him or her angry. Of course, anger itself is not sinful. Many biblical characters, including the Lord Jesus, became upset, so we know it’s not always wrong. Our reaction, however, can be sinful. When we respond to anger in inappropriate ways, we can bring emotional, physical, and spiritual devastation on ourselves and others. How then, should we handle this powerful emotion in a way that will please the Lord?

V.3.2. How do people handle anger? Most of us respond in unhealthy ways.You and I may repress it by denying that it exists. Or we suppress it—recognize that it’s there but refuse to deal with it. Others respond the opposite way, in harsh outbursts.These individuals may make excuses for themselves, saying,“This is how God made me”or“I just have a short fuse.”The right response to anger is to exercise self-control through the power of the Holy Spirit.

V.3.3. How should we deal with anger?

V.3.3.1. Confess it. Denying your feelings will only cause you to stay angry longer.Remember, whether or not you acknowledge the emotion, its poison will continue to affect you.Those who harbor anger will never know the fullness of peace and joy that our relationship with Jesus Christ can bring us.

V.3.3.3. Identify the nature and source of it. Where did the anger begin? If you don’t identify the root of the problem, you could show malice towards someone who did nothing wrong.For instance, people who were abused by one of their parents sometimes resent all authority figures, including pastors and teachers.

V.4.3.4. Purpose to deal with it quickly. Ephesians 4:26-27 says,“Be angry, and yet do not sin;do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”Satan wants you to dwell on your feelings and let them grow.But God asks you to deal with anger.In some instances of extreme pain and suffering—for instance, a drunk driver kills your son or daughter—you won’t be able to get rid of your anger before the sun sets. But you should acknowledge your feelings and decide that you will deal with them.You shouldn’t just accept rage as a natural response and allow it to become part of your life.

V.3.3.5. Do not sin. It is possible to get angry but not do anything wrong (Eph.4:26).In fact, this emotion can motivate us to take necessary action or right a wrong. Jesus became angry with the money changers in the temple (Matt. 21:13-14) and with the Pharisees who imposed religious laws on the people in order to stay in power (Matt.23:13-33;Mark 3:2-5).The one time when Christ should have been the angriest—on the cross—He chose to forgive instead (Luke 23:34).

V.3.3.6. Take a time out. When you start to become angry, visualize a stop sign. Make a purposeful decision not to react quickly, because your first impulse will likely be an unwise one. Give the other person time to talk.Then you will be able to respond in a godly fashion.The Holy Spirit will give you discernment into why he or she is so upset.We should strive to be“quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry”(James 1:19; see also Psalm 103:8).

V.4.3.7. Clarify and analyze the situation. It’s helpful to understand why other people are angry with you. Has somebody hurt them? Are they frustrated? Are they feeling insecure? Are they jealous? Are they fatigued? You can use similar questions to analyze your own feelings as well. Getting to the root of the problem will help you know how to address it.

V.3.3.8. Deal with the problem. Proverbs 30:33 says, “The churning of milk produces butter, and pressing the nose brings forth blood; so the churning of anger produces strife.”When this emotion is unchecked, it will turn into bitterness. So even if you can’t immediately get rid of your anger, make a commitment to seek healing.

V.3.3.9. Ventilate. Some psychologists believe it’s healthier to express anger freely—without worrying about how it may hurt others—rather than hold it in. But as believers, we are called to a higher standard.We must carefully consider how our words will affect those around us. So I recommend venting to the Lord. Get on your knees in a private place and tell God exactly how you feel. He will begin to work in your heart and draw you toward forgiveness.

V.3.3.10. Put it away. Ephesians 4:31 says,“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” In Greek, the word we translate as“put away” means lift up and toss or strip away.We should“put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Col. 3:12). Both of these actions are possible only through the power of the Holy Spirit.

V.3.3.11. Replace it.Harness the energy that anger gives you.Use it to wax your car, hit golf balls at the driving range, or clean out a closet.

V.3.3.12. Determine the benefits. The positive side of anger is that it can motivate us to take constructive action, such as fixing problems and righting wrongs.

V.3.3.13. Prevent a wrong response from reoccurring. We can’t always avoid anger, but we can control how we respond to it.Decide ahead of time how you will act in challenging situations.Purpose to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

V.3.3.14. Stay away from angry people. Proverbs 22:24 says,“Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.” Don’t begin relationships with those who are constantly angry.

Conclusion: Our world is full of injustice, hurt, and rejection. People cut us off on the highway, betray our confidence, or harm those we love. It’s impossible for us to avoid all the causes of anger. However, you and I can choose to respond to this powerful emotion in a way that will honor the Lord.When believers deal with anger correctly, we can maximize its benefits and minimize its destructive qualities. If you feel angry right now, I pray that you won’t wait to deal with it.Confess to the Lord your rage or resentment, and ask Him to help you become free.I believe God will show you how to release your feelings to Him.And when His Holy Spirit enables you to extend forgiveness to others, you will enjoy the supernatural peace and joy God desires for all His children.

V.4. Anger and Forgiveness

Key Passage: Ephesians 4:30-32 | Support Scripture: Matthew 6:12-15; 7:7;18:21-35 Ephesians 2:8-9 | 1 John 1:9

V.4.1. There is awesome power in forgiveness. It is God’s solution for bitterness, resentment, and hostility.Avoiding the person who harmed or offended you isn’t effective. Moving to a different job, city, or church is useless in battling unforgiveness.And even if you hide the effects of anger from everyone—even those closest to you—it is like poison to your entire system. You and I need the freedom found only through sincerely and completely forgiving others.

V.4.2. A Few Definitions

V.4.2. Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice toward yourself or others important to you.

V.4.2.1. Forgiveness is giving up resentment (anger) against someone, along with your right to get even, no matter what has been done to you.

V.4.3. Unforgiveness is the deliberate, willful refusal to give up one’s resentment and right to get even, based on the attitude that someone must pay for the wrong done.

V.4.4. Obstacles to Forgiveness

V.4.4.1. Lack of desire: You don’t want to forgive.

V.4.4.2. Rehearsing what happened: Some people continue to dwell on the hurtful experience.

V.4.4.3. Pride: We may believe the other person should initiate reconciliation.

V.4.4.4. Fear: Some resist forgiving to avoid looking weak, being misunderstood, or feeling rejected.

V.4.4.5. Negative advice: Well-meaning friends don’t always offer godly counsel. V.4.4.6. Partial forgiveness: People try to pick and choose what offenses can be pardoned.

V.4.4.7. Relying on emotions: Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel like forgiving.

V.4.4.8. Expecting quick results: Forgiveness can take time.

V.4.4.9. Justifying the other person’s actions: Some people will rationalize what happened so that they don’t have to forgive.

V.4.5. Scriptural Teaching: The Bible clearly instructs us on forgiveness.In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says that if we will not pardon others for their transgressions, then our heavenly Father will not forgive us for our sins. Although our relationship with God was settled when we accepted salvation by grace through faith (Eph. 2:8-9), our fellowship with Him suffers when we refuse to excuse others for their sins against us. In Matthew 18:22, Jesus tells Peter that he must forgive his brother“70 times seven”times. In other words, there is no limit.Because God has forgiven each of us of so much, we should also be willing to extend mercy towards those who sin against us (Matt.18:23-35). The apostle Paul instructed believers:“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you” (Eph. 4:31-32). The Father desires for us to show mercy to each other because of all the compassion He has extended to us. But we can’t refuse to forgive others and then expect the Lord to forgive us.

V.4.6. Important Reminders

As a believer, it is your responsibility to take the initiative to deal with unforgiveness.It will not always be easy or quick.But you can’t allow it to take root in your life and turn into bitterness. Forgiving is difficult because it is unselfish.It involves laying down strong feelings and rights while releasing the other person from their need to make restitution.You may never forgive if you wait until you“feel like it.”And remember, forgiveness doesn’t always have to include going to the other person and confessing your angry thoughts.Only approach that individual if the Lord directs you to do so.

V.4.6. Steps to Dealing with Anger:

First, acknowledge that you have been totally forgiven.God saved you by grace—not because you deserved it. He has freely offered His forgiveness your whole life. Second, confess your anger to the Lord. Recognize that your attitude has not been right. Be specific in describing your hostility and resentment. Third, recognize that unforgiveness is sin.Honestly admit that it is a violation of the principles of God’s Word. Fourth, ask God to forgive you.You may also need to admit to the other person that your attitude was wrong towards them. Last, lay down the anger. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and by an act of your will, choose to let it go.

V.4.7. Helpful Guidance:

God will reveal whether or not you need to confess your unforgiveness to the one who offended you. If you approach other people correctly, you may be God’s tool for healing in their lives. But make sure you simply ask for forgiveness for your attitude without going into why he or she angered you.Otherwise, you may end up making the situation worse. What if someone has already died? If you can’t meet in person with someone, set two chairs to face each other.Sit in one and imagine the other individual sitting across from you.Then confess your resentment.You can also use this technique when you are having difficulty forgiving someone and want to practice confessing a wrong attitude before attempting it in person.

V.4.8. How to Know You’ve Forgiven: Here are a few clear signs that forgiveness is genuine. The harsh emotions you’ve had toward others will be replaced by compassion. Although the people may not change, you’ll be able to accept them without feeling bitter.You will try to understand why they acted that way. And you will feel thankful that God allowed the difficult experience to teach you more about the riches of His grace.

Conclusion: Believers don’t have to hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment.We can be set free from attitudes that hold us in bondage.You and I can escape the chains of self-destruction that entangle those who refuse to show mercy. When God reminds you of the people you need to forgive, I hope you won’t ignore His voice.It is my prayer that you bravely and wisely choose to deal with those feelings. My friend, allow the Father to set you free—you will never regret it.

VI. Victory Over Unforgiveness

Key Passage: Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32 | Supporting Scripture: Matthew 6:13-15; 7:7; 11:28; 18:21-22; John 8:36 | Galatians 5:22-23 | Philippians 4:13 | Hebrews 12:1, 14-15 | 1 John 1:9

VI. Sometimes, we choose to ignore or deny our hurts, hiding them deep within our souls. Resentment can stay buried so long we actually forget it’s there. No matter how we cope with it, this anger never disappears. It stays hidden for years, causing destruction beneath the surface. The truth is, unforgiveness should have no place in the life of a believer. Christ gave His life so those who believe in Him could be forgiven. As His followers, we are commanded to follow His example (Eph. 4:32). When we refuse, it gives Satan a foothold in our lives and keeps us from being the people God desires.

Forgiveness is defined as “giving up resentment against someone and surrendering one’s right to retaliate—no matter what the other person did.” Unforgiveness is “a deliberate, willful refusal to give up resentment or an insistence that someone pay for a wrong that was committed.” Forgiveness can be difficult because we think wrongdoers shouldn’t get away with their offenses. But when we accepted Christ as our Savior, we surrendered the right to take matters into our own hands. Our only responsibility is to forgive and let the Lord take care of the rest.

VI.1. The nature of Unforgiveness: There are many reasons why we shouldn’t hold on to this negative emotion:

VI.2.1. It doesn’t fit our identity in christ. Since we have been forgiven of all our sins—past,

present, and future—we shouldn’t hold grudges against those who have wronged us.

VI.2.2. It plants a seed of bitterness. A refusal to forgive is not an isolated act; it can take root and cause heartache in our lives (Heb. 12:15).

VI.2.3. It becomes self-imposed bondage. Resentment is a burden God never intended us to bear. However, when we surrender it to Christ, He gives us rest (Matt. 11:28).

VI.2.4. It is rebellion against God. Unforgiveness is sinful because it’s a refusal to do what our heavenly Father asks of us.

VI.2.5. It breaks our fellowship with the Lord. Jesus warned, “If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matt. 6:15). This doesn’t mean we lose our salvation, but we can’t be right with God while holding on to resentment.

VI.2.6. It causes self-inflicted suffering. Holding onto a grudge causes more pain for us than it does our offenders.

VI.2.7. It becomes a barrier. Those who blame others and refuse to surrender the bitterness that is poisoning them cannot progress in life or achieve the prosperity and blessings God has in store.

VI.3. The consequences of Unforgiveness: When Peter asked how many times he should forgive a brother who sinned against him, Jesus replied “seventy times seven” (Matt.18:21-22), which means our willingness to forgive should be boundless. If we place a limit on forgiveness, we will experience many unfortunate negative consequences as a result.

VI.3.1. A root of bitterness springs up. Harbored resentment is not a secret attitude. It overfl flows from our hearts (Heb. 12:15).

VI.3.2. Our prayer lives suffer. Our petitions will be ineffective until we deal with our bitterness.

VI.3.3. Our worship is hindered. Resentment keeps us from genuinely praising the Lord because we cannot worship with hypocritical hearts.

VI.3.4. Our witness is damaged. We can’t tell others about Christ’s forgiveness when we’re holding grudges.

VI.3.5. It creates unresolved conflict. If we want to have Christ’s peace and joy, conflict with others must be reconciled.

VI.3.6. It blocks spiritual growth. If we tolerate sin in our lives, you and I will stop growing in Christlikeness.

VI.3.7. It hinders people around us. A bitter spirit can be passed on to others, especially children.

VI.3.8. It affects us physically. Unforgiveness can take a toll on our bodies and cause illness.

VI.4. Dealing With Unforgiveness: In order to overcome resentment and bitterness, we must:

VI.4.1. Acknowledge it’s serious business. We can’t afford to take unforgiveness lightly. It affects our lives and our relationships with God.

VI.4.2. Assume responsibility for it. We need to look beyond the hurt and focus on our own lack of forgiveness.

VI.4.3. Confess it to the Lord. We should vocalize our bitterness and admit to God that we’re guilty of holding on to resentment.

VI.4.4. Acknowledge it’s a violation of God’s Word. Until we see it from His perspective, we won’t understand it’s an act of rebellion.

VI.4.5. Ask the Lord to forgive us. We should admit our disobedience and seek His forgiveness. n Ask God to enable us to forgive. Giving up our right to retaliate isn’t easy, but the Holy Spirit will empower us to lay down that urge.

VI.4.6. Pray for those who hurt us. When the offense is no longer our central focus, we can ask the Lord to help those who did us harm.

VI.4.7. Do something for others. Choosing to help those who hurt us is a powerful expression of true forgiveness.

VI.4.8. Go to the ones who offended us. The Lord may lead us to seek forgiveness from others for our wrong attitudes and actions.

VI.4.9. Express forgiveness, even if the offender has died. There is no need to hold on to past hurts. We can imagine that person sitting across from us and vocalize our forgiveness. God will hear our conversation and settle the matter in our hearts.

VI.5. How can we know we’ve truly forgiven others? When we have completely forgiven others:

VI.5.1. We won’t see offenders the way we did before.

VI.5.2. Harsh feelings will be replaced with a new attitude towards people.

VI.5.3. We will be willing to accept wrongdoers just as they are.

VI.5.4. We will try to understand why they acted a certain way.

VI.5.5. We won’t try to avoid them if we happen to meet them unexpectedly.

Conclusion: If we ignore the sin of unforgiveness, it will continue to hold us in bondage. However, Jesus Christ came to set us free (John 8:36). He not only forgave us of all our sins, but through His Spirit, He also grants us the grace and strength to lay down our hurts and grudges and trust Him. When we do, we’ll be free of this harmful emotion, and our lives will be characterized by the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23).