As is said "for the spirit is willing but the felsh is weak" I have been to a similar experience before. There would always be reasons or excuses not to go, and I tried justifying my absences. Deep down I feel guilty, I was not fooling anyone, God knows my heart like He knows the number of hairs on my head. I do not know how exactly it changed but I just kept on seeing posts about seeking Him and fighting off my weakness or excuses because they are actually battles that my spirit fights. My flesh was too weak but now I know that I have to help myself. I could not deny my spirit of it's thirst for a connection with the Father. I actively sought Him and asked for His help to help me understand Him and know Him more. I hope you find it for yourself too. Ask and you shall receive.