I've been staring at this blank page for an hour. I'm thinking about how am i suppose to begin a blog post about myself without boring all my readers and fabricating the details. The thing is, i have been thinking about committing suicide since forever. I even did a thorough research on the fastest and the most creative way to take my life. I did numerous attempts, and still have failed. Now i'm trying recall how this madness started. The weird thing is, i don't even remember.
All i know is that i feel so weak and miserable. Like i'm going to explode any minute. Some people may have an idea of how i have been feeling, but that idea is just a single star in my universe of anxiety and depression. I don't want to be different. I just wanna be an ordinary person who's going through ordinary stuffs, but i'm not. I have heightened emotions. I have these voices inside my head that's controlling how i feel, that's making me magnify my flaws. And these voices are again ruining my life that has long been ruined, when my family started to drift away. These deafening voices are telling me things like i am useless, i am not loved, i am not good enough. I have been battling against them and i feel like i'm about to lose.
How can i put these voices on mute? How can I not listen to what they say ? How can I take it out of my system? I've been asking myself that, and still got no answers. I tried talking to few people whom i thought would understand, but it seems like they don't or maybe they just won't. We don't really have much choice, because if we do, this is not how my life would be. This is much more than physical pain and the medicines that i need are not capsules or tablets.
The point is, some things are not always how it seem. Some people are just good at faking it. Trying to hide the pain that's crashing their soul. I don't look weak, but i am. I don't look sad, but i am. I do look happy, but i'm not. Depression and anxiety are worse than cancer or any disease. It must not be neglected. People just don't get that.
Emotional pain is more lethal than physical pain, so never treat people who are emotionally ill, as if they are some sort of dramatic actors and actresses. If there's nothing you can do to help them, then at least stop trying to make it worse. Turn off your insensitivity. You might not know that a person dear to you is suffering. Your mom, sister, brother, friend, anyone can be a victim
