“He left me ‘On Read’,” my friend ‘Angela’ set down her coffee and studied my face for a response.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means that I sent him a message and he never responded. He just left it ‘On Read’.” Angela pursed her lips and scrolled through her phone, hiding her disappointment with this guy.
I grimaced at this guy’s behavior. I hate to think of my friend getting virtually stood up by some dude who doesn’t have the common decency to reply to my friend. Situations like Angela’s happen frequently in today’s dating world. I’ve been there before, that’s for sure.
When this happens, it’s hard not to feel like you’ve done something wrong. Like you’re not good enough. But that’s probably not the case…
Why do people do this? Usually because they don’t have the ability to deal with an emotionally difficult situation. Telling someone ‘no’ is really tough and a lot of people avoid saying no altogether, especially when the situation may be more complicated than it may seem.
The guy Angela was talking to, we’ll call him James, lives in Los Angeles. She lives in NYC. He’s probably a cool guy, but the fact of the matter is that he may not be interested in even indulging the idea of a long distance correspondence, even though Angela is cool AF (seriously she’s like the epitome of cool). However, because Angela is cool AF, he doesn’t wanna burn bridges just in case, but he also doesn’t want to invest any emotions or time yet. So what does he do? He leaves her ‘On Read’.
It’s downright shitty.
So what is Angela supposed to do? She’s already reached out to him, but now he’s ignoring her texts messages. Reaching out again will appear too clingy and she faces the risk of rejection all over again…
HOW TO HANDLE A PERSON WHO LEAVES YOU ‘ON READ’
•First and foremost, say this phrase out loud to yourself: Rejection is protection from the universe. This is something I tell myself always. When someone rejects you, it’s a good thing. It means that you’re protected from being with someone who isn’t going to invest in you or treat you right. Does it hurt? Yes. Of course. But in the bigger picture, this rejection right now may be a blessing because it may lead you to someone who will treat you well.
•Stop investing any more emotions, time, or money into this person. I don’t care how rich, famous, hot, good at sex, or charming this person is. If someone isn’t investing in you, the answer isn’t to keep giving more and more of your time, energy, emotions, or money to this person. The answer is to stop putting any of your resources towards this person unless they start investing back.
•Keep your expectations low, but hold your standards high. This might seem counterintuitive, but trust me, it’s not. What exactly does it mean to keep your expectations low, but hold your standards high? Well, it means that you never expect this person will live up to your standards BUT never put up with his shit if he doesn’t. Don’t expect this guy to text you back or show up last minute to sweep you off your feet. Don’t expect ANY guy to do that. But also don’t accept any guy who doesn’t meet your standards. James didn’t meet Angela’s standards. She shouldn’t expect that he does, but she also shouldn’t have a guy in her life who doesn’t treat her like the queen that she is.
•Try, try again. Just because this guy didn’t show up for Angela doesn’t mean that her love life is doomed and she’ll end up forever alone. Like I said before, she’s cool AF. This is a great time for Angela to go hang out with some friends and surround herself with people who make her feel like the badass she is and go meet some new guys once she’s got her pep in her step back.
Pretty much every woman (or man) will date someone who isn’t treating right. The difference between women who find great love and women who don’t is that the women who find great love know when to move on and stop investing in someone who isn’t investing back.
Readers, what do you think? Have you ever been left unread? How did you handle it?
Sincerely,
Mariposas
