Hi @squids, from what you share through your story you are living a very complex situation. You should, as far as possible, seek specialized help: medical or institutional. There must be a foundation that can give you support, a women's aid foundation. Sharing with your friends is fine, but you need professional support, don't let yourself get wrapped up in negativity, solutions exist and you should think about it.
Much love and good energies to you.
!LUV