Hi Ma'am, have you ever pegged your hubby or thought of doing this too him?
WTF?!? What on earth would make you think this is an appropriate introductory question? Yet I get variations on that question in my Twitter messages every day. I guess it comes because of what I write on my feed and the things I get my unfortunate but lucky husband to do. But that doesn't make it right. And it's not the content of the question that offends me. It's the abruptness. Perhaps that's a bad comparison. Perhaps there's a better comparison for what causes this situation.
Imagine you've just watched a motivational speech on YouTube. From an athlete, or a musician you admire. They talk about their personal life. They speak about the journey of their life. The things they've learned, done. Things they've seen. Mistakes they've made. They talk about the love of their life. At the end of the talk, there's question time, a public forum. And you sit there quietly and don't ask any questions. Then, a week, no, two weeks later you see them having a quiet dinner and a glass of wine with some friends. There's a short period where they're alone, so you gather up courage, walk over, sit down, and ask them a deeply intimate question about the talk they gave two weeks ago.
This happens. You've been reading along to my twitter feed or my posts and you feel like you know me. A familiarity. There's a conversation going in your head. And then a question arises. In that moment, you have a connection, so you reach out and ask the question and you continue your conversation. There's only one problem. I wasn't actually in your conversation.
*You only get one chance to make a first impression. And you've just blown it. *
So what happens now? How should I respond? Should I tell you to fuck off? Or should I take time out of my busy day to correct you? Everybody can make a mistake, but I get to decide if I'll accept it. But you've just handed over the one thing you could have controlled. My response to your introduction.
If I have time and you're lucky, I'll check your feed. Then I'll decide if you get a second chance. You may have blown the first impression. But how do you respond now? What do you learn from it? I'd guess 70% of the time, the sender gets defensive, has a burst of indignation and blocks me. I'm good with that. It's self-selecting.
The remainder? They apologize. And this is where it gets interesting. Looking back at my DM's (I keep everything!) - less than ten - have genuinely apologized for intruding into my time. Of those ten, most I'll have some form of online interaction with, whether it be public or private. But occasionally, one shows a little extra potential. And that's why try to give a second chance.
This particular male, walked up to me in the middle of a (virtual) quiet dinner and blurted out the question. "have you ever pegged your hubby[?]" So what happened to this clumsy individual?
Well - he apologized profusely. Then he followed up - without being asked - with an Amazon gift card. In AUD even. So I knew he'd made an effort. And then we had quite an entertaining discussion. By demonstrating that he can learn from his mistakes, that he valued my time and understood how I may have felt about it... he showed his potential. Potential not just to be an excellent sub, but also the potential to be an incredible human.
But if you don't accept and own your errors, you can never learn from them. And owning an error is not "I'll do it because you like it." Owning an error is understanding why I see it as an error. When you understand that, you're closer to understanding me. And that means you're going to be far better serving me.
So where did this unfortunately soul end up anyway? Well, it seems I may have uncovered a new pet. First he needs to get a properly fitting bra. But maybe... just maybe... he'll work out OK. You never know.
I'm not here to tell anybody how to introduce themselves. But I will tell you, before you hit that send button... think about how the recipient is going to receive your introduction. You only get once chance for that first impression. Don't blow it. Not everyone gives a second chance.
