Before I had children, I was not afraid to die. So what if I die, I thought, my troubles will be taken care of by whoever is left behind.
After I had my firstborn, I was afraid to cross EDSA, afraid I would get hit by a bus. I did not fear for my life. I feared for the life of the child that I would leave behind.
When a woman becomes a mother, she stops living for herself. She begins living for her children. She forgets her own dreams because she begins dreaming for her children. She forgets her own wants and fears, as she now wants what her children want, and fear the things that put them in danger.
She loses herself and forgets herself, and her world changes from a frame full of beautiful self-portraits to an album full of beautiful smiling babies, and children, and teenagers, and young men and women – and then babies again as her children give her grandchildren.
So what makes motherhood difficult?
A woman meets true love for the first time when she becomes a mother. And from that moment on, she forgets what it was like to love herself. Her children will be her truest and biggest love.
But that is not all.
No matter how much her children love her, she will always love them more. And no matter how much she wants to keep them in her life, and in her arms, they will always want to leave.
And even when her children are on their own, running their own lives, she will always care, and be worried, and be afraid for them. Things that hurt them will always hurt her, no matter what their age. And no matter how great her love is for them, there will always be things she cannot do.
Motherhood is difficult because it forces a woman to love with all of her heart – and love forever. And from the moment it happens, she becomes vulnerable, and her world will never be the same again.
I wish I understood that when I was a kid.
