It wasn't all that smooth with my mother. We had the usual mother-daughter fight.

What pains me is when she died not being contented of how she was taken cared of during her last few years. We have been getting her a caregiver but the longest stay was just about three months. She wanted her children to take care of her so the caregivers give up when they feel they were not appreciated.

The last time I saw her alive, three months before she passed away, she asked me to stay and not go back to work anymore. I was scared of my loans so I had to go. She said it will feel really bad for the children if a parent dies and children are away. She still looked that fighter woman then so I thought I could have a little more time for work. I didn't realize she could degrade too fast in three months. She died on the night of 24th, right the night before I was to go home and see her again on the 25th. She died without me and made me feel what she told me. That is something that I am still learning to forgive myself.

I am the last, unplanned menopausal, child. She was telling me that they (with my father) thought my elder brother will be their last child. Then she suddenly conceived at 47. She said the doctor did not even believed her when she went for checkup. I am six years apart from my youngest elder brother whom I followed.

She had seven children and also raised the youngest of her step-children when she and my father got married. That's a ton to me.