Hello April! 🏡

These past few weeks have been humbling me down. Time flies in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I forget that it has been only four months when things have gone sort of awry and chaotic. As much as I am good at adapting to different situations, there were times when I was exhausted. Yet among those moments I also get the things I wanted to in my life. I won’t lie if I feel like a lot of my life’s problems and obstacles have been partially solved but at the same time, the things I lost in between have been greatly scarring me. It made me see life through other views that otherwise, I would never see it that way.

Sometimes I wonder if all these are worth it. While thinking about it all, a day turned into night and I lost track of time. That’s at least what has been happening these past few days. Was everything I owned now really worth the cost? When freedom is in my hands, why does it feel a lot less appealing?

I should be happy, I got to be a homeowner. I should be happy, nobody is going to make a huge deal about what I believed in. I should be happy that I can literally do everything I wanted without any interference. I can burn everything down and start over, and nobody would make a huge deal out of it. I can come and go as I please and nobody would ever question everything. Somehow, with even more freedom I have, I feel a pang of misery. But I suppose that's the nature of materialistic things. When you have it, it is no longer appealing. I could be wrong, though.

These past few days, you could say I’ve been living like a zombie. Everything I did was on autopilot and even today, realizing what I ate, it was pretty grim. I would not normally eat a whole pizza but I did. I haven’t gone back to my regular workout routine either. I don’t even remember all the things I really did but I lived like I was a different person, just one of those negative nancy’s . Anyhow, I am behind on everything around here. So many things have happened these past few weeks and my energy is mostly drained dealing with paperwork, family matters, and even tax season.

While I am practically still lacking sleep, at least today I made a vow to myself to pick up my paper and pen, schedule what I was behind, get into my laptop, blast on some music and start getting back into my regular routine. I even took up some of my grandma’s past chores like sweeping our yard, watering the flowers and plants, and cleaning out the living room. It was pretty relaxing but also I was reminded of how meticulous she was about all that and I tried my best to do it like that. I’ve also been keeping the house, just like how she would love it done. Afterall, she and I share similarities, we hate clutter and everything has to be somewhat organized and neat.

I need to get back into studying before I actually forget everything and have to start over. In a few months, it’s going to be another busy time. I am moving out of my apartment for good and moving into the house permanently. At the same time, so many things are on the horizon too and these past few months challenges, to mold me into a stronger person.

Anyhow, see you all around and I’ll reply as soon as I can.