I knew things would change. But I was naive about how much.
The first couple of months post 30 felt almost the same as the months before.
Then, out of the blue, I felt my 20s pulled from under me. I said a final goodbye and began living as a 30 something-year-old.
I was never afraid of concluding my 20s. It was something I simply never thought about. I thought I would kill myself before that.
So, I'm feeling slightly unprepared now that I'm here. Even out of place.
There are days I wake up and feel like I've woken up from the dead. Am I really alive at 30?
I look around me and see my parents a little older, my nephews a little bigger and think to myself, I should be so lucky to see this.
I'm surprised at how much happier I am these days. I haven't felt this way in decades.
Decades.
Time flies by very quickly when you're happy. When I was suicidal, I felt the minutes tick by. My mind would always be filled with a lot of thoughts I didn't like.
Now, days seem to merge together without my noticing. It was January, and now it's suddenly November. And November is almost ending.
In my 20s, I liked escaping from my life. I travelled a lot. Not because I liked seeing the world (I don't remember much of what I saw), but because I liked how it distracted my mind from me.
By being on the move, I had the perfect reason not to listen to myself.
I still like to travel, but with a different intention now.
Only 2 months more before I step into another year in my 30s. I had no intention of writing this, but I was listening to some old songs I used to listen to in my 20s and thought myself:
I was such a different person then.
Here's to us. Older, wiser, happier. Cheers.
