The fat man with the carnival-barker voice glanced at his notepad once. 'Listen up, ladies and gents!' [Well, it was more of an attempt at a carnival barker voice than a true carnival barker voice]. 'We have a special show for your entertainment this evening. A very special show! An offer of information! It's the one and only offer of information you will ever see for your entertainment and it's an offer of information that you can't possible pass up.'
He looked over the nervous crowd that had gathered in the corner of the street, under the heaving sky. 'Once in a lifetime chance for information, folks,' he said. 'And it'll be given to the man who draws the name out of this hat.' [The hat was too large for him and hung over his ears so that he looked like a heavily head wound victim.]
He picked up a hat and had lifted it above his head, revealing that it was empty. The crowd looked eagerly at the hat. They looked eager enough for it to have had some type of cheap information in it--unbeknownst to them.
'Not your average hat, folks. This was worn by the great magician, Merloy, during his final trick, or so the legend goes. It is said that the hat will not be empty. And, by the opinion of some of the finest minds across the land, I can confirm that it is not. I would have to say that it is in fact very full. I would have to say that it is full of stories.'
He looked to the woman standing to the left of the crowd and lifted an eyebrow. 'In fact, I would go so far as to say that all of these stories would be enough to fill the entire population of this great city, never mind the stories we will tell this evening.'
The woman to the side of the crowd nodded. 'I would agree with the gentleman,' she said.
She was short, yet curvy. Her hair was brown with white at the edges. She was the perfect alliterative name for a special kind of woman. She nodded thoughtfully, her head resting against the shoulder of a large, broad man.
The fat man turned once more to the crowd. 'Are you ready for tonight's show? Are you excited to hear all of the stories, told in every way possible? This is the show where we fill a hat with stories and let the audience choose which one they want to hear. It could be a good one, or it could be a bad one. It could be a long one, or it could be a short one. But in the end, this story will be filled with all of these stories. It'll be the best story your mind or body will ever stuff in you, and I guarantee you won't be sorry about it.'
The woman to his side stood with her microphone lifted. 'That's right, folks! You're going to hear the best story your mind or body will ever stuff in you, and it'll be the most wonderful, and terrifying, story you've ever heard. So I'll ask you again--are you ready for tonight's show?'
About seventy percent of the audience raised their hands. The man to the side of the woman shook his head. 'Nice, folks,' he said.
'Ladies first!' said the fat man.
The woman raised her hand and a man with a tape measure came forward. He took the arm of the woman, wrapped the end of the tape measure around her finger and opened up the reading on the meter. 'Girth,' he said, 'and length.'
He wrote it down and ran off into the crowd. The woman raised her hand. 'Can I touch the hat?'
The fat man nodded. 'Of course. You can touch the hat. It's a hat. Who's next? You, sir! Yes, you! We're working our way around in a circle. Yourself?'
The man touched the table, then looked at the fat man.
