A gentle trigger warning: This post makes reference to a sensitive topic.
When ever I get a glimpse of the boy inside the addict, I am always thankful that he showed up, even for the smallest moment. These are precious times, important times, but are often far and few between. They cannot be coaxed out, only acknowledged, un-judged and treated with the upmost respect and kindness.
They are the times that remind me of the complexity of Steve's addiction, and in the context of his addictive behaviour, they help me to put things into perspective. For the times when addictive hell was breaking lose or chaos ensued, the boy inside the addict was the difference between my loathing Steve or loving him.
Imagine how precious it is then, when words and emotions come together, and the boy inside the addict puts pen to paper, in order to express his thoughts and beliefs for the first time.
The boy inside the addict - A very small, but very big poem. By Steve L.
photo by Canva
When a child suffers an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) their normal growth can be interrupted. This means that they often have no choice but to adapt to a new reality. Young children are not able to pin point a reference with which to understand emotions, in relation to traumatic events such as loss, abuse or accidents, so they seek external sources of comfort in order to feel better. They 'self-soothe' by whatever means possible, such as food, sweets, toys or other means. They can express overt behaviour, rebel or become introvert. Having missed out on crucial stages of emotional growth and the development of coping mechanisms, as they grow older, they become more aware of the pain they are suffering.
For many, and I am not saying all, substance abuse is a natural progression, an unhealthy alternative, in place of our basic human desire for comfort, relief, love, safety or just feeling normal. As an adult, dealing with even low levels of stress or negative emotions is an impossible task, and what starts as a way of feeling better soon becomes a crutch
and a way of life. In some respects, Steve is still a boy, a boy with an addiction, in an adults body.
Love and light,
Sharon xx
