today i get my fistula

hi im lopi, i have traveled the world many times over, jumped off cliffs like a lemming, swam with sharks dolphins and the like, rode the scariest roller coaster evr, had multiple surgerys and 1 amputation. been in 2 fist fights, beaten and left to die by ex's and haad my heart trampled on many times, molested twice and raped once. every situation i stood back up dusted myself off, and was not afraid. but this surgery today has me up at 4 am from nightmares, and my stomache in knots! its a fistula. what they do is sew together a vein and artery together in my forearm, simples right? nowt major.... not like my foot amputation or leg straitning ...tis simple ...tell my nerves that. why does this little thing bother me so? oh why do i need a fistula? i am on kidney dialysis. in january my kidneys finnaly gave up to the point they no longer emitted the toxins they are designed to expell via urine, and now i need a transplant...would you help? a fistula is as stated in my forearm, and currently i have a port (my tenticles) that goes into my heart, dr's want to stop using that as its more suseptable to infections as my immune and white cells are low as it it. you see alot of kidney paitents needing a transplant tend to have lower immune systems, and die whilst doing dialysis waiting for transplants. I do not want to die ...i am not ready. please help me and get tested to see if we are a match, pm me i will give you the info and where to call. i will be going to Ohio State University transplant to do my procedure they are great and have done over 9k transplants alone! so i know when its time for that i will be ok. but right now i have surgery for my fistula...and im scared. im a tough bird as many know i dont shy away from anything, infact many things run from me from fear, but this fistula today.....well...id rather put a raging bull in a leotard and make him do the sugar plum fairy dance! thank you for listening, and please consider being tested, if you dont match me you might match someone else who has a match for me but their donor doesnt match them. thank you again xxxxxxxx lopi