I can't really understand this tbh. I am myself always and I would never feel ashamed for being who I am or thinking what I think/doing what I do. This is what I was meant to do or I wouldn't be. I guess I can maybe begin to see the portion about letting people down. That could be promises unkept, passions left behind, etc. Hard to say what the best way to deal with any pyschological issues might be, each person is different. At least we are, for the most part, able to navigate a good handful of conditions and make them manageable.