I've been pondering lately about how busy I am and wonder if I am really on the right track. I mean it seems that my life just revolves around such activity every single day and I felt that I already neglected some part of my life, although not really abandoning someone or something but it's more on depriving myself of a life that I should enjoy outside what I am actually doing now.
I don't know but I felt that I am wasting part of my life. I should have done something better in addition to what I am working on these past months.
At some point, I felt that something seemingly urgent just come up and I find it hard to ascertain whether it is important in the first place. What I do is just divert my attention and try to solve it.
This is what I realized now, the dilemma of conflating the thing I find urgent with those that I consider important. In my mind, I want to do a lot of things but seems my body and the circumstance around don't alow me.
Yes, I envy people who have a clear vision in their lives, a clear idea of which direction they are meant to be going, who I can say have a life, a real-life being able to manage every aspect of their being.
An extensive, huge, manic busyness tends to seep into my culture, rushing around trying to push through some urgent matter, urgent as I see it but the problem is I don't have that abundance of time, or am I just inefficient in managing my time?
But as to the matter of productivity, I should not forget that even amidst little and significant shortcomings I still do things that could be considered extraordinary, I can go the extra mile, yes I do things people would see as great works that not anyone can do.
Nevertheless, I still felt that I need to stop being busy I mean I need to commence my day differently. Perhaps with those things that keep me busy, those people or things that put demands so much of my time I still manage to push back then I think I could still get to the bottom of the issue, whether or not it's something that I should go about or just leave as it is.
Seems that the defense of busyness has stripped away finding myself asking a lot of questions. I am trying to discern my own purpose and direction to the point of putting myself through rigorous self-examination.
But yes, up to this point of my life, I still admit I am not going somewhere else but I am heading towards the path ahead of me in this complicated world, complicated life.
I know anxiety will come, inevitably. But I also know I should not worry about whether I am getting enough done. Or whether I am working on the right thing.
Well, everything must be pushed through and I should start asking the important things. The work that I end up doing might lead me to something great, something noble.
@threespeak on https://wallet.hive.blog/~witnesses or vote through HiveSigner
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