After I finished screaming something like, “I think that's a bad one, I need to some help guys”, the voice above me spoke very calmly masking anger , contempt and maybe shock as well. Since my accident those words have resonated deep within me.
I remember witnessing a swooping accident last year and I know how upset I was seeing instant uncontrolled carnage on a industrial scale inflicted on the human body in pursuit of the sport. I can only imagine how through my own stupidity, it must of looked to anyone who was there on the day.... But going back to that voice and the resenence of selection I feel, in a way, captures it.
‘What on earth?... How on earth?’
I think I went into a form of intense and instant shock the moment I put in a right toggle. I'm guessing we would say it was sensory overload.
I have a recollection of speed and then my body thudding into what I later learned was concrete. I say my body because at that moment of striking I didn't realise or recognise which part of my body had struck first.
Almost a second later I can recall coming to rest on my back and screaming for assistance.
I am not sure of the distance the exposed end of my freshly snapped leg by the ankle dragged through concrete, dirt and grass but it was long enough for my body to go into yet another level of shock. I can remember numbness initially. A whole body numbness, gradually tightening rather than pain.
I’m sure I let out a few screams whilst I lay on my back and would like to think they were of the out of frustration kind and not of the pain kind but I cant be certain.
I looked up and saw a familiar face. “How bad is it Gaz?’ I asked ‘Compound?’
“Worse” He replied with raised eyebrows and a shake of his head.
As I started to raise my upper body onto my elbows a familiar female arm came across my chest and whispered instruction not to look.
No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to fill in the gaps in time at that time.
I next remember hearing a voice say ‘We better do something about that bleeding” and glanced my eyes towards the sound of the voice to see the familiar face of Nick. “Right Steve I am going to lift up your leg and put my foot in your groin.” Oddly I replied ‘fill your boot's” If i realised at the time, the seriousness of my situation, I’m sureI would of chose my response more carefully.
Fast forward to May 20TH 2015, 27 days later.
I had been awake for about 2 hours. A combination of some of the anaesthetic wearing off and solid a undisturbed 4 hours sleep meant I was apprehensive and at the same time I was starting to accept the idea that I had really fucked up under canopy. My time from the date of the accident until that Wednesday morning in May had been spent on my back in a hospital in Queens Medical Centre, Nottingham.
From the moment the Air Ambulance crew put Ketamine into me prior to being air lifted to this May morning I was filled with copious amounts of industrial strength opiate based pain relief, antibiotics, saline and any other shit they can put into me. I had been through 11 operations where a team of consultants and surgeons valiantly tried to save my right foot. We all agreed early on that the snap was so clean the foot was worth trying to save, although it was made clear from the onset that it may ultimately not be the best course of action. Once such operation involved removing of a lateral muscle and used to re attach my foot to what was left of the leg.
I went down to 81kgs in weight where I used to hover between 90-93kgs range dependant on the season.
Although I have problems remembering a lot of my stay in those early days I do remember numerous and frequent visits from members of the skydive community. Far to many to say thanks to here but you guys know who you are and I owe you a lot.
So back to Wednesday May 20th . The ward started getting busy with the familiar coughing, clattering and hustle and bustle of breakfast being served and blood pressures being taken and annotated by nurses and the care team.
At about 9.15am the now familiar face of a surgeon rounded the curtain that offers the smallest amount of privacy you’d expect to find on a NHS ward. I had learned he and his wife had just completed the Marathon des Sabres together as part of their honeymoon and I learnt to trust him quite quickly after all he was the one with the knife skills.
As soon as I saw his face I knew straight away the battle to save my foot was lost. ‘Really?’ I asked.
‘I’m afraid so” he confirmed
Rewind 27 days Thursday April 23rd 2015 Day 6 of boogie 1 Langar.
Through experience and research I firmly believe accidents never happen in isolation. We all accept the dangers of our sport early on. With some of us and is to frequent, we allow ourselves to make wrong decisions. We become complacent. How we react under pressure situations can and take my word for it do, have life altering outcomes.
After completing a solo tracking jump and still trying to find the right body position I fell through my 5500ft first audible safety warning in both ears. I however, was marvelling how well the jump went and was remembering each manoeuvre completed and its sequence. Exit, stable, right under aircraft, power on, dig knees in, track left 45 degrees, track right 45 degrees, power on again and finally knees in again. My audible pinged loudly again as I was still digging my knees in at 4000ft. my usual reach and pull height if not before.
I re focussed and deployed. The actual height I was under a flying canopy I think was between 2500ft and 2000ft. I struggled back to the PLA and my landing pattern was way out, putting me above it at a height I can’t remember. I believe it to have been low. I look left, I looked right and quickly as a blink I put in the rifght toggle.
So far the “What on Earth” has been explained I have shared a sequence of memories I have of the accident.
“ What on Earth” was I thinking?
“What on Earth” have I done? What on earth.... What on earth... What on earth...
But like I said earlier accidents don't just happen in isolation. Usually during the investigation process of serious accidents evidence comes to light on the sequence of events that give a better understanding of why and how accidents happen. So please if you have read this far learn from my experience.
Summary
As a 50 year old, my bones aren't in the best of shape but that said I think I jumped everyday of the boogie and I was camping on the DZ.
It had been a cheeky couple of mornings meaning the temperature had dropped during the night to near freezing. Although I am fairly fit for my age or so I thought my bounce back ability from the mental strain of skydiving was not at peak level.
It was my 74th Jump and at the time still managing the fear.
Physically I was tired to from partying a bit too hard followed by early rises.
I had taken sunrise pictures every morning, so lack of sleep was starting to take a strain as well.
By mid afternoon I had taken some calories on board and was topped up with caffeine. I was on a PM load.
I remember it was a nil wind day which I have experience of on my Pilot 190 but perhaps I was complacent here as well. I was nervous and i remember slightly agitated prior to boarding the twin otter and in hindsight perhaps going for a declared landing as well was not the best of decisions.
The previous week to boogie I was flicking through the skydive magazine and paused at the insurance ads. I am fortunate enough to be able to say today that at the time I actually caught myself thinking ‘it'll never happen to me” and ignored my inner voice. I say I’m fortunate to say it as I'm under no illusion how lucky I am to be alive today.
That inner voice is our built in risk assessment. It makes decisions based on experience, being familiar with situations, through muscle memory and skills and ability. Sometimes we ignore it, sometimes we listen to it but we all have it...
So complacency, tiredness, ability and lack of height awareness all played a part in my accident. But my inner voice was ignored prior to the accident and on the day.
And there it is “How on earth? have you done this... “How on earth” have you got away with this... How on earth... How on earth... How on earth...
