This weeks #Roadtosteemfest theme is probably pretty fitting for me right now, as I have been a bit stressed and anxious about many things and that mixed with a very hectic life schedule recently has meant its been 5 days since my last post.😐

Well, I’ve never claimed to be a good blogger... quite the opposite in fact.. but I do feel this stress has been part of the reason for the recent break.

For those that don’t know, @anomadsoul started this weekly writing challenge to bring us all together and make meeting each other a bit more relaxed.. and I think it’s done just that. This week we are asked to expose some of the things that maybe we aren’t looking forward to.. or are working through in hopes maybe we can help each other through them.

This week´s idea...

Fears

What? Did you really think it was all going to be fun and games in the road to Steem Fest?

Think again
Let´s face it. We all have fears , second thoughts, hesitations about all of this happening so fast. Threee months ago we didn´t know we were going to Poland and now it´s all becoming a reality, we have a plane ticket, an event ticket, accommodation etc... we can´t back down. We´ve reached the turning point, either we go or we go.

No backsies.

When we realize there´s no going back, it´s when fears start to become real.

Remember you have to do it in a FREEWRITE STYLE. That means no editing, no backsies, just writing what you think and no deleting anything. That´s the only way to do this post!

So in total freewrite and random thoughts fashion, here are ....

My Fears

Two weeks from today I will be landing in Kraków, Poland. I will wander into a city I’ve never been to meet a bunch of people I’ve never met.. that thought alone made me sick a few months ago. Luckily, through these posts and many discord ~~shit talking~~ chats I am pretty ok with meeting everyone.

I’m a unique species I guess because I really don’t care if people like me.. I know that sounds weird and stuck up.. it’s really not mean to be though, and shouldn’t been taken as so. I just am not one who feels the need to be liked by everyone.. I don’t need to be the popular kid and quite frankly am totally ok standing in a corner by myself. 👀

That doesn’t mean that I am just radiating confidence though, quite the opposite in fact.. It’s just I’m totally ok if I don’t live up to someone expectations or if I meet someone and I just don’t really do it for them. I’m me.. love me or hate me.. I’m good with either.

But as someone who shys away from crowds and popular groups normally, preferring small casual social events... meeting that many people all at once and essentially being at a very social and active event for 5 days makes me a bit terrified.

Yeah, I know.. but you just said you don’t care what people think of you. Well, no.. I said I don’t care if not everyone likes me... but meeting so many amazing people that I’ve had interactions with and some I haven’t while just trying to be ok with such a social environment will be a constant struggle for me. I will be stepping out of my comfort zone just being in a crowd like that.. but, stepping out of my comfort zone is the whole goal here.. so I will power through it and be a better version of myself after. Well, that’s the hope anyways.

After surviving that first initial terrifying moment I hope that I will find my grove and be able to take full advantage of the amazing adventure it will be.. well until day two that is...

When I’ll be doing a talk on the main stage 😱

So, months ago when the idea was brought up for someone from Curie to do a presentation about curation I thought it was a wonderful idea, and one I wanted to be apart of. You know.. figuring out topics, networking, just chatting about my passion of curation.. and of course being supportive of the chump who was actually gonna get on that stage and do the presentation.. cause god knows I’m not the person for that. (please see first fear.. crowds.. lots of people.. attention) Well turns out I’m that chump

I had talked myself into this and that it was all doable.. totally doable.. then as we changed plans and I thought others would be helping do the actual speech I sort of thought I lucked out and would only really be there for moral support while saying a few things.. well.. back to plan A.. it’s just little on me on that stage. And while my initial proposal for the presentation I think is a good one.. as we get closer to the actual date.. I’m panicking a bit.

What if I sound like a fool?

What if I mess up?

What if I forget everything because I’m on a stage in front of everyone and just have to focus on breathing?

What if someone has a question at the end that I can’t answer?

And the kicker...

What if I represent Curie poorly?

😱👀🤷‍♀️😭

Ah, funny what our brains can do to us huh?

Well, luckily while sharing these concerns with one of my favorite realists.. he said something pretty profound even though rather simple..

You don’t have to be perfect and no one expects you to be.

And I could breathe again....

Yeah, I struggle with that.. even though I am actively working on just being myself.. the real me, imperfections and all. I still find myself needing to do things perfectly. But he makes a huge point, whatever I get up there and do is fine. All I can do is my best and no one is perfect... so how could I expect to do this perfectly?

It doesn’t mean it’s not my biggest fear about steemfest.. because It most definitely is terrifying me. And I know that until I’m done with the speech I probably won’t be fully relaxed.. but I’m trying to just put in the work, focus on what is important and just let it be. I can only be myself and talk about what I am passionate about.. and well, apparently that is all anyone is expecting of me.. huh 🤔 who knew?

But good news is.. after I conquer that baby I won’t be scared of nuttin... right?

Well, that was a freewrite if I’ve ever heard one.. hopefully I actually completed my train of thought.. 🤷‍♀️

Even with all the fears, I’m still excited to go.. (and super excited for that first beer after the speech.. cause, I’m gonna need that y’all.)