Help me understand the point of marriage.
I don't know if I "believe" in the concept much at all, really. I certainly don't subscribe to the modern idea of it in most regards. That is to say, the way marriage looks today, at least in Westernized cultures, it appears as though the couple attempt to attain some prescribed happiness that is defined by certain benchmarks and milestones and acquisitions that are "supposed" to have been achieved at certain points, and closeness they are supposed to have, and experiences they ought to be sharing, and expectations they are supposed to be meeting for the other person, and are falling short of, and then compensating for by becoming consumer- and career-oriented.
Meanwhile, they're both cheating on each other with their jobs, their friends, their online relationships, their video gaming, and their vices.
As opposed to doing what I think should be done when finding true commitment and happiness in a relationship, which is to learn how to tune out the world, listen to inner guidance, hear and understand higher wisdom, and find a way to develop a proper self concept and train the subconscious to create the relationship of their dreams. For instance.
If I do have any sort of leaning in the matter at all, it would be for ARRANGED marriage at best, where the purpose of it was fairly contractual, either for business purposes, or for religious and familial/cultural homogeneity.
But for practical purposes, in the modern day marriage, the only sense I can see it making is for tethering the man to the care and rearing of the children, as both genetically and historically speaking, he is meant to spread his seed among many vaginas.
From the outset, the man marries the woman statistically at an age when he is at his prime, and she is not. Then, when she is at her prime, and ready to blossom in his arms, he is having a midlife crisis and is ready to move on to a younger, more supple version of his wife. Meanwhile, she is ready to explore herself sexually, spiritually and expand her self awareness, which is something she deprived herself of for the last 2 decades while tending to the family and the husband, and waiting for him to come through for her. Which he likely did not, because he was attempting to come through for the version of himself society demanded of him.
Nevertheless they tangoed together, made children together, bought houses together, supported careers together, joined religions together -- all in hopes of solidifying the matrimonial contract.
My question is,
Why need any kind of government-approved or church-approved certificate at all? If you love the girl, and you wanna wake up to her every day, then do so. And if she feels the same, she will do so too. What is so difficult about that concept?
If she loves you, and wants to be with you, then she'll make a point to stick around. and support you. And fuck you. And suck you. Because she enjoys doing so. And it benefits her to do so. And you will do the same for her. Because you enjoy it. And it benefits you to do so. As long as the relationship benefits each person, then it should continue.
As long as it does not, perhaps it should not. And why not? Just because a certificate told it to continue until death? Just because a promise told it to? Loyalty and fidelity only go so far. But at what point ought a couple to stay together if one or the other person is not upholding their end of the agreement or investing into the relationship the way they vowed to do?
I assure you, I do not need a government, or a church, or a society to tell me what is worth working on and what isn't. If I love someone, and I have made a commitment to them, I will do everything in my power to make sure we have the strongest, most solidified, earnest, wonderful, loving relationship possible. Every single day of my life.
But the ONLY benefit I can see to involving churches and governments and contracts in my personal relationship choices is for the purpose of joint tax returns, and hospital visits.
The last thing I want to tell a man is, "You must always be with me, no matter what, thick or thin, big or small, happy or sad, sick or not, and no one else shall have you ever, forever, or at least for the rest of your mortal life, so help you God, and here is a legally binding contract that you need to sign so that you will be bound to me under these and all other circumstances. And you must agree to this."
Don't get me wrong. It must be comforting to have someone say "I'll always be there for you. And to show you, I will wear a ring so no one gets any ideas."
And you know what, yeah. That ring is a pretty strong deterrent in my mind. I'm not gunna go hop on some guy who has a ring. I just am not. Call it conditioning? Or sense of honor? I have no idea. I just don't feel right about it.
There are SOOO many beautiful vaginas out there! Why be contractually bound to just one? It DOES NOT MAKE SENSE that a person should have to forfeit every adventure for the purpose of "not making the wife jealous" or "not wanting to be unfaithful."
I could see how promising my penis will never stray is a lovely notion, and perhaps there is something to be said for eternal monogamy. Maybe it really does strengthen a couple to make a promise for life of that kind. It forces them to work out something they might not otherwise try to do if it did not serve them to do so.
But again, I feel like if you've found someone working things out for, then you'll be motivated to do just that. You don't need a contract to push you.
I prefer to have someone who loves and adores me and doesn't WANT to be with anyone else, because he just simply doesn't want to. And if some beautiful woman traipses by with her juicy wet vagina and perky breasts, and you wanna have a go at her, can I blame you??? Who knows, maybe I won't have a problem with it.
If I'm getting old and gray and wrinkly, and saggy, I should think that our love could withstand the urges of the peen to "stray" and "wander." But if it doesn't, I mean, maybe I won't even mind. Can I blame you?
But I certainly wouldn't want to tell you that you are confined to put that thing only where I want it to be put. It should be up to you. Completely. Every day. Where it goes. And we can come to an agreement on that fact, either daily, or quarterly, or I guess lifelong? And my suspicion is, you'll want it to remain with me, because that is where it feels most loved.
