"Listen, men and women of this realm. Scholars say that the most awesome sign of the zodiac is Taurus, full stop. No need to look at puny little Scorpius, weirdo Pisces, or any of the other signs for that matter. Ah, but Taurus, Taurus is fire! Taurus is strong! Some even quip that Taurus is full of bull! Ha! You may laugh thinking the latter is an insult. But you be wrong! Nothing insults a Taurus because he's made of the sterner stuff. Full of bull indeed. Just don't go thinking we turn the other cheek. No sir or madam! Tauruses are proud and noble. We live for the battle! Not lightweight like Libra, or watery like Aquarius. Taurus laughs at Cancer, the sign with a terrible name. Don't get me started about Gemini and Virgo. Hah!
So Behold this army that has come from afar to conquer you. An army of Tauruses, except for Barbara who's an Aries, but she's an honorary Taurus because of her big strong spirit. Lay down your pitchforks! Do not resist! Prepare to be raided, pillaged, and conquered!"