Ya t铆o Max, el viajero, no compite conmigo. Bueno, el t铆o de los Fraggle Rock hac铆a viajes interoce谩nicos, que no es mi caso... todav铆a. Asumo que para cuando ese momento llegue ya habr茅 perdido los temores y las nostalgias que deben venirle a uno dentro por naturaleza cuando viaja. Y digo deben porque si alguna vez los tuve, ya no lo recuerdo, o no lo recordaba... hoy siento algo parecido a eso. Aunque creo que se le parece m谩s al cargo de conciencia. 隆Qu茅 se yo!, no logro identificar el mejunje de cosas que traigo dentro.
Uncle Max, the traveler, is no longer in competition with me. Well, the uncle from the Fraggle Rock did inter-oceanic voyages, which is not my case... yet. I assume that by the time that moment arrives I will have lost the fears and nostalgia that should come naturally to one when traveling. And I say they must because if I ever had them, I don't remember it anymore, or I didn't remember it... today I feel something similar to that. Although I think it is more like the charge of conscience. What do I know! I can't identify the concoction of things that I bring inside.
"Tienes que parar", me dije esta ma帽ana mientras miraba la c谩mara del tel茅fono: "m铆 misma, es tiempo de un stop". Y pens茅 en mi hijo, la econom铆a terrible que traen estos tiempos. Los deberes como madre y mujer que imponen la sociedad, la familia, el hogar: sandeces a las que una nunca escapa. Ya se los dec铆a, cosas que vienen impregnadas en los genes.
"驴Era realmente necesario que hicieras este viaje? Todos los meses viajas. La gente hace como que lo entiende, pero en realidad te juzgan, 驴sabes? Piensan en tu hijo de tres a帽os que vives y mueres dejando con otros".
No puedes pedirles que comprendan tu visi贸n de futuro. No es 茅poca de analizar m谩s all谩 del qu茅 vamos a comer hoy. Y todos quieren un porvenir mejor, pero pocos realmente invierten en esas ganas. T煤 antepones tus metas a todo, a veces hasta ante tu propio hijo, y, aunque suene mal, eres consciente de que solo persigues un bien mayor para los dos. Nada viene de la nada, t煤 lo tienes claro, as铆 que no lo hagas t煤 tambi茅n, no te juzgues. Ya la vida sola se encargar谩 de eso, es su funci贸n, y si de lo hija'eputa que es hablamos, contigo se ha pasado. No le debes nada. As铆 que, no, acom贸dese los cojones y pa'lante.
"You have to stop", I said to myself this morning while looking at the phone's camera: "myself, it's time for a stop". And I thought about my son, the terrible economy that these times bring. The duties as a mother and a woman imposed by society, the family, the home: nonsense from which one never escapes. I already told you, things that are impregnated in the genes.
"Was it really necessary for you to take this trip? Every month you travel. People pretend to understand, but they really judge you, you know? They think about your three-year-old son that you live and die leaving behind with others."
You can't ask them to understand your vision of the future. This is not the time to analyze beyond what we are going to eat today. And everyone wants a better future, but few really invest in that desire. You put your goals before everything, sometimes even before your own child, and, although it sounds bad, you are aware that you only pursue a greater good for both of you. Nothing comes from nothing, you are clear about it, so don't do it too, don't judge yourself. Life alone will take care of that, it's its function, and if we talk about the motherfucker that it is, with you it has been too much. You owe him nothing. So, no, adjust your balls and pa'lante.
Definitivamente mi Yo1 y mi Yo2 tienen siempre charlas complicaditas, pero es obvio saber a qui茅n de las dos le voy siempre, 驴verdad? Pero a煤n as铆 mi Yo1 ha logrado dejarme tocada esta vez.
Definitely my Me1 and my Me2 always have complicated talks, but it is obvious to know which of the two I always go to, right? But still my Me1 it has left me thinking this time.
Ciertamente los 煤ltimos veinte meses han sido convulsos, muy convulsos. Desde que 茅l no est谩, jam谩s he vuelto a ser la misma. Quiz谩s el hecho de haber tenido que coger el 贸mnibus hoy en ese lugar, donde mismo lo cog铆 aquel junio fat铆dico, tenga que ver con los conflictos que ahora traigo. En ese momento tambi茅n me hice la misma pregunta de si deb铆a hacer el viaje o no, para mayor coincidencia el destino era el mismo que ahora. Para ese entonces la respuesta la tuve dos semanas despu茅s, cuando definitivamente me di cuenta que no, no era necesario el viaje. Nunca deb铆 haberlo hecho. Solo espero que esta vez no ocurra ninguna desgracia.
Certainly the last twenty months have been turbulent, very turbulent. Since he's gone, I've never been the same again. Perhaps the fact that I had to take the bus today in that place, where I caught it that fateful June, has to do with the conflicts that I now bring. At that time I also asked myself the same question of whether I should make the trip or not, to be more coincidental the destination was the same as now. By then I had the answer two weeks later, when I definitely realized that no, the trip was not necessary. I never should have. I just hope that this time nothing bad happens.
"Libros", refugio bendito. Siempre el lugar seguro al que puedo huir. "La tiran铆a de las moscas" me acompa帽a, noveleta de Elaine Vilar Madruga, colega escritora cubana, con una obra s贸lida que la hace merecedora de una de las voces, si no la m谩s notable, de la literatura actual escrita por mujeres en Cuba.
"Books", blessed refuge. Always the safe place I can run to. "The Tyranny of the Flies" accompanies me, a novel by Elaine Vilar Madruga, a fellow Cuban writer, with a solid work that makes it worthy of one of the voices, if not the most notable, in current literature written by women in Cuba.
Y ya en este punto cabe entonces hablarles de mi trabajo, ese que me tiene siempre de un lado a otro. Como ya saben, soy escritora, y parece ser que me lo he tomado bien a pecho desde que decid铆 dedicarme a la literatura de a lleno. Pero, lo cierto es que antes de haber decidido pedir la baja en el centro de ciencias d贸nde antes tambi茅n trabajaba (茅poca en la que llegu茅 a tener tres empleos, me mantengo con dos) igual viajaba, quiz谩s no tan seguido como ahora, pero, a decir verdad, desde que sal铆 del instituto y comenc茅 la Universidad, viajar se volvi贸 mi rutina favorita. No puedo negarlo, me posee el alma de una gitana. En las cosas de la vida me pasa igual. Tres casas, siempre de una a otra, nunca quieta. Tarecos van, tarecos vienen. De arriba pa'bajo de abajo pa'rriba. Debe ser patol贸gico 馃. Pero, bueno, les hablaba del trabajo. Leo a Elaine Vilar con la intenci贸n de rese帽ar este libro reciente de ella que ha dejado bastante de qu茅 hablar en el panorama literario hispano. Pero sobre todo porque es mujer joven que escribe y estoy desarrollando una investigaci贸n sobre literatura escrita por mujeres en latinoam茅rica y el posible versus entre esto y literatura feminista (que no es lo mismo, o al menos no tiene por qu茅 serlo) y, por supuesto, tengo algunos nombres de cubanas en mente, el de ella entre esos. La tesis que planteo es mi proyecto de graduaci贸n para la 2da maestr铆a que desarrollar茅, esta vez en Valpara铆so, Chile (m谩s viaje 馃ゴ), donde gan茅 una beca para un programa fabuloso: "Estudios Literarios y Culturales Latinoamericanos".
And at this point, it is time to talk about my work, the one that always has me on the go. As you already know, I am a writer, and it seems that I have taken it to heart since I decided to dedicate myself to literature fully. But, the truth is that before having decided to leave the science center where I also worked before (at which time I had three jobs, I supported myself with two) I still traveled, perhaps not as often as now, but, to tell the truth, ever since I left high school and started university, traveling has become my favorite routine. I cannot deny it, the soul of a gypsy possesses me. The same thing happens to me in life. Three houses, always from one to the other, never still. Tarecos go, tarecos come. From top to bottom from bottom to top. It must be pathological 馃. But, well, I was talking about work. I read Elaine Vilar with the intention of reviewing this recent book of hers that has left a lot to talk about in the Hispanic literary scene. But above all because she is a young woman who writes and I am developing a research on literature written by women in Latin America and the possible versus between this and feminist literature (which is not the same, or at least does not have to be) and, of course I have some Cuban names in mind, hers among those. The thesis that I propose is my graduation project for the 2nd master's degree that I will develop, this time in Valpara铆so, Chile (plus travel ), where I won a scholarship for a fabulous program: "Latin American Literary and Cultural Studies".
驴C贸mo se relaciona este viaje actual que estoy haciendo ahora con todo lo dem谩s que les mencion茅 arriba? Pues, voy rumbo a la capital para pasar un curso de posgrado sobre Cr铆tica de Arte. S铆. Estudio. Ese es el motivo de mis viajes casi siempre. Cuando no, pues me muevo para participar en eventos, ferias del libro, presentaciones, giras, etc. Am茅n de que tambi茅n estoy haciendo una maestr铆a en Antropolog铆a F铆sica en la Facultad de Biolog铆a de la Universidad de La Habana. Soy bi贸loga... creo que ya tambi茅n se los hab铆a dicho 鈽猴笍.
Especializo en Antropolog铆a Forense, cad谩veres humanos, ciencia que tambi茅n me apasiona mucho como la literatura. Pero bueno, el perro tiene cuatro patas y coge un solo camino, como sol铆a decirme un amigo m铆o. As铆 que, por lo pronto, decid铆 terminar esa maestr铆a de Antropolog铆a y ya, ponerle un stop a la ciencia por un tiempo y seguir con la literatura, a ver qu茅 tal me va 馃.
Antes hac铆a biolog铆a de campo. Expedici贸n tras expedici贸n, como les coment茅, viajar desde hace mucho ha sido como parte de mi sistema aut贸nomo 馃槅. Pero bueno, los modos de vida de una van cambiando, al menos debieran, sobre todo cuando se es madre, 驴no es lo que dicen? 馃槖
How does this current journey I'm doing now relate to everything else I mentioned above? Well, I'm heading to the capital to take a postgraduate course on Art Criticism. Yeah. Study. That is the reason for my trips almost always. When not, then I move to participate in events, book fairs, presentations, tours, etc. In addition to that I am also doing a master's degree in Physical Anthropology at the Faculty of Biology of the University of Havana. I'm a biologist... I think I already told them too 鈽猴笍. I specialize in Forensic Anthropology, human corpses, a science that I am also very passionate about as well as literature. But hey, the dog has four legs and only takes one path, as a friend of mine used to tell me. So, for now, I decided to finish that master's degree in Anthropology and now, put a stop to science for a while and continue with literature, let's see how it goes 馃.
I used to do field biology. Expedition after expedition, as I told you, traveling has been part of my autonomous system for a long time 馃槅. But hey, one's ways of life are changing, at least they should, especially when you are a mother, isn't that what they say? 馃槖
-Piensa que vas de excursi贸n, rel谩jate y usa esta semana para coger un respiro en lo que comienzan los tres d铆as intensivos del curso de Cr铆tica, trabajas mucho, siempre te lo digo- me dijo un amigo esta ma帽ana. Lo que menos imagin贸 茅l es que en realidad as铆 iba a sentirme un poco durante el viaje, el 贸mnibus para cantidad y siempre en lugares rodeado de monte seco. Hasta almorc茅 sentada en una piedra a la sombra de un 谩rbol.
-Think you're going on an expedition, relax and use this week to take a breather as the three intensive days of the Criticism course begin, you work a lot, I always tell you- a friend told me this morning. What he least imagined is that this is actually how I was going to feel a little during the trip, the bus for a lot and always in places surrounded by dry forest. I even had lunch sitting on a stone in the shade of a tree.
Debimos haber salido a las 9:00 am, pero a las 10:30 de la ma帽ana es que sal铆amos a la autopista rumbo a La Habana. Sobre las 3:20 de la madrugada dijo el ch贸fer que estar铆amos llegando a la terminal aproximadamente. Eso hace un total de 17 horas de viaje m谩s o menos. Terrible. No s茅 c贸mo aguanto tanto tiempo de viaje en una guagua. Tiempo para que los bichos de mi cabeza hagan fiesta con mi paciencia. Nada, solo resta esperar y poner todas mis buenas energ铆as en funci贸n de disfrutar el tiempo en la capital sac谩ndole el m谩ximo de provecho a ese curso de Cr铆tica.
Y ya no les doy m谩s la lata, que en 17 horas de viaje puede uno ponerse a escribir 鉁嶏笍 muchas cosas 馃槅馃う
We should have left at 9:00 am, but at 10:30 in the morning we were leaving on the highway towards Havana. Around 3:20 in the morning the driver said that we would be arriving at the terminal approximately. That makes a total of 17 hours of travel or so. Terrible. I don't know how I endure so much travel time in a bus. Time for the bugs in my head to party with my patience. Nothing, it only remains to wait and put all my good energy into enjoying my time in the capital, making the most of this Criticism course.
And I don't bother them anymore, because in 17 hours of travel one can start writing 鉁嶏笍 many things 馃槅馃う
(Todas las fotos son de mi propiedad, tomadas por m铆// All photos are my property, taken by me)
