"There were times that I'm happy"
"Sometimes I became sad without no reason"
"Sometimes I felt empty inside and cried all of a sudden"
"Sometimes little noise gets me irritated"
Sometimes I only think of suicidal thoughts."
All these things mentioned above are all experienced by me and I admit that even up to now, there were times that it occurs all of a sudden.
Honestly, I never knew what Post-Partum Depression (PPD) is until I read some testimonials from other moms out there. I never knew that I had gone through that sickness, I just learn it a little late. This depression started when I gave birth to twins. In the first months, things were still okay and I enjoyed my life with my newborns. But later on, this depression appears all of a sudden because of some factors that trigger it. Being alone in the house taking care of the babies, doing all the house chores all alone, and sometimes being problematic financially made me stressed and problematic. That feeling becomes worsened especially since I always hear my mother-in-law complaining and teaching me how I should take care of the babies. She kept on comparing how her life before as a mother and that I should do the same in terms of the kids. These thoughts from her really made me think that I wasn't a good mom to my babies because what I did seemed didn't satisfy her. The only day that I can be me as a mom and a woman is when she's not at home. I can do what I think is good for the babies, I can relax whenever I'm tired and I can move without thinking that there's someone who is watching my every move and anytime would complain about the things that I do.
Raising our kids, and being a wife and daughter-in-law at the same time is really a struggle but sometimes others would only think that because we are at home, our life is easy but little did they know that it is the hardest job. Not enough time to rest, not enough sleep at night and many more had to be experienced when we become a mother. Sometimes if we get emotional, others would think that we are just acting and when we are not in the mood to do some other work at home, we were told that we are so lazy.
Crying, mood swings, sometimes having difficulty in bonding with my baby, losing energy or interest in doing some things, being irritable and angry all of a sudden, feeling that I wasn't a good mom to my babies, or thinking that I'm a worthless mother, experiencing anxieties and can't think clearly on what to do, and thinking of some suicidal thoughts are the symptoms that I had gone through.
Late at night, I just suddenly cried. It's the only time that I can let go of my feelings because I'm sure that no one would notice that I'm crying. I'm afraid that if someone sees me in that state, they would think that I'm too emotional or I just acted so that they will feel pity for me. During the day, there were times that I am lost in my thoughts and I was just back to reality when I feel that my babies moved.
I battled with this sickness for how many years and I'm grateful that through those years my partner had always been there for me. He also decided to live far away from my in-laws where we can stand and decide on our own. Though there were times that depression hit me, I'm thankful to God that I overcome those difficult times. I fight against it and never let it win over me.
To all moms who had been through like me, know that you are not alone in that battle. Find someone whom you can talk to and pray always to God to strengthen your heart and mind to be able to fight and win against it.
To all husbands who have a wife who had gone through this, please show your love, care, support, and understanding to them. That's what they really need to feel that there's someone who will always be there for them, especially in that trying times in their life.
Post-Partum Depression is not a joke, not acting either, it is REAL and one who had gone through it must not be judged instead show your support and be ready to listen to them. Having someone ready to listen and understand them is already a big thing.
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