There are some things in life that I have come to accept are just not for me. Or maybe I should say, there are some things I have stopped expecting from people. One of them is getting help when I really need it.
I don't mean that I am unlucky or that I have bad people around me. I have good people in my life, and I know some people genuinely care about me. But somehow, whenever I find myself in that moment where I really need someone to come through for me, things usually don't work out that way. And honestly, that has changed me.
There are times when I have needed help but found myself thinking twice before asking. Not because I didn't need it, but because I already had this feeling that I would probably end up disappointed.
You know that feeling when you finally decide to ask someone for help? It isn't always easy. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride first. You have to admit that you can't handle something on your own. You have to pick up your phone and actually say, "Please, I need your help with this." And then nothing happens.
Maybe they don't respond. Maybe they say they will help and then forget about it. Maybe they have their own problems, which I understand. Or maybe they simply aren't as available as I thought they would be. Whatever the reason, after a while, I start getting used to handling things myself. That is where I think I am now.
I don't ask for help as much as I used to. If something happens, my first thought is usually, "Okay, how can I sort this out myself?" Sometimes I even struggle to ask when I know I genuinely need help.
The funny thing is that people can look at me and think I'm strong. They see me handling things, making things work, figuring things out, and they assume you don't need anybody. But that is not always true, Sometimes I'm just used to having no choice.
Sometimes the person who looks like they have everything under control is actually just someone who has learned not to expect anybody to come and save them. And I think there is a difference between being independent and being forced to become independent.
I still appreciate people who help me. In fact, I probably appreciate it more than they realize. When someone genuinely shows up for me, even in a small way, I don't forget it. It means something because I know what it feels like when nobody does.
Maybe that is also why I try to be there for people when I can. I know what it feels like to need somebody and not have anybody come through. I'm not angry about it anymore. At least, I don't think I am. I've just learned.
I've learned to lower my expectations. I've learned to make a plan B, C and sometimes D. I've learned that sometimes I have to be my own support system. But I'll be honest, there are still moments when I wish I didn't have to.
There are moments when I wish I could call someone and say, "I'm struggling. Can you help me?" and actually feel completely comfortable knowing that they will. Maybe one day I will have that kind of person in my life.
Until then, I will keep doing what I've learned to do. I will keep figuring things out. I will keep showing up for myself. And if someone shows up for me along the way, I will be grateful for it. Because I know what it means when someone chooses to show up when they didn't have to.
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