Someone once told me she envies my marriage because my husband and I don’t fight. She said she has never seen us argue, never heard us raise our voices, never watched me run to family members to report him, or call friends to analyze our issues. To her, everything looked calm, smooth, almost perfect.
I just looked at her with that expression that says, “you must be kidding me.” Who told you we don’t fight? We do. In fact, sometimes it feels like we disagree every single day. The difference is not the absence of conflict, the difference is how we choose to handle it.
I made a personal decision a long time ago that I will not carry my marital issues outside the walls of my home. Not because I don’t have people I trust, but because I understand something very important, no matter how fair people try to be, there is always bias. Even the ones who love you deeply can take sides without realizing it. I experienced that early enough to know better.
Let’s be honest. If I come to you with a story about my husband, I will most likely present my side in a way that favors me. I will highlight his mistakes and quietly skip over mine. And based on that one-sided version, you will form an opinion. You might even start seeing him as the problem. But is that the full truth? No.
Now flip it. If he tells you his own version, he will do the exact same thing, focus on where I went wrong and leave out his own faults. And just like that, I become the one to blame. That is how easily narratives are shaped when outsiders get involved.
So tell me, who really has the right to judge a situation they don’t fully understand? Who made anyone the authority over another person’s marriage?
Because of this, I choose to handle my issues privately. I would rather sit down, argue, misunderstand each other, and still find a way to resolve things together than invite unnecessary voices into something that is deeply personal. What works for my home may not make sense to you, and what works for you may not work for me.
I’m not saying advice is always bad, but unsolicited opinions on sensitive matters rarely help. Most times, they complicate things. They introduce perspectives that don’t align with our reality.
Marriage is not a public performance. It’s not something to be judged from the outside based on appearances. What you see is only a small part of a much bigger picture. So please, respect boundaries. This is my home, my marriage, and my choice. Let me handle it in the way that works best for us.
This is my reply to someone who says my marriage is perfect, is there really a perfect marriage? There might be but I've never seen it before. Issue will arise even if it is just minor but there is no relationship without arguments.
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