“I have had enough of fake friends”, said my friend Shay.
She was upset.
“Maybe it is time for me to be selfish from now on”
She was very upset.
I wanted to ask her what she meant. Did she mean I was a “fake friend”?
I stared at her. No answers there. Then she left.
I could have run after her. I didn’t. I remembered that I had said something like this before. When I was feeling hurt and bewildered.
A friend had hurt me. Let’s call her Xee. I was feeling miserable. I had helped her so much for so long. Was I being used? The emotions kept bombarding me. Mainly sadness. Some self-pity.
Eventually anger. I would not tolerate this any longer. No more fake friends. I would be selfish. I would not care any more.
A stream of I-wills.
Is that what Shay was feeling? I remember that feeling.
I spent days feeling gutted. Alternating between feeling sad and feeling angry.
Till one day, it hit me. Like a pendulum.
In my hurt and anger, I was still swinging. From emotion to emotion. Sadness to anger.
Like a pendulum. Left to right. Right to left. Spending only milliseconds in the center. Milliseconds in balance. Only to lose it again.
In Physics, it is known that the two extreme positions of the pendulum is when the potential energy is the highest and kinetic energy the lowest. Left or Right, the same rule.
There is no movement in the extremes of Left and Right i.e. no kinetic or movement energy. But at those extremes, the energy is highest due to its potential.
The potential to move in the other direction. The irresitible urge to swing.
Extremes of emotion.
Sadness that swings to anger. Anger that swings to sadness. On and on.
But in the centre, kinetic or movement energy is at its highest. At the strongest ongoing movement, it loses its urge to move. Only the momentum keeps it going.
The momentum of feeling awful within.
If I could hold myself in the center between my sadness and anger, I would be balanced. If I could dissipate the momentum of my emotions, I could find my center.
Burn off the pain. Be joyful again.
I exercised to let off steam. I slept to rest from the tiring emotions. I meditated to calm myself.
I dropped Xee. And all others who drained me. And if I could not drop them, I became detached from them. Still seeing them but not getting involved in their dramas. Instead, I spent time with people who were restful to my soul.
Did I become selfish? As Shay wondered.
Or did I choose myself — as advocated by wise people through the ages. A phrase I heard first from James Altucher.
Bit by bit, I learned. And changed.
First by stopping the pendulum reactions of pain. By spending its energy.
That brought me into balance.
Then, to build from that balance. To wisdom, strength, joy.
I will share this story with Shay.
