Hey, death is not as bad as it seems, I have died 3 times. Once was suicide attempt, the others were doctor induced from improper treatment. I'm not saying this to make you want it more, but once you do reach the port of death, there is nothing but love. Have you tried eating a vegan diet to try aiding the healing process? Or going to a spiritual healer to help speed your process of healing? Both are extremely beneficial while also doing your regular treatments, it is good for the mind. Once your mind sees all that you do to help benefit it, you are likely to start healing faster. I don't know about all that you go through, but if you need to talk ever, find me.