The idea came to me late one night, everybody's favorite time to worry over things you can do little about and certainly not at an ungodly hour.
What kind of parent am I? Only I generally speak frankly to myself and it sounded more like: Am I a crappy parent?
We all have our moments of doubt. Am I doing this right? What would someone else do in my place? Is this a good decision for my kid?
It doesn't matter what you're worrying about at a particular moment, the cause of such doubts is always the same. We try to do things perfectly, raise our kids the best possible way, make sure that their care – physical or spiritual – is always the best.
We want to be perfect, the best parents that ever walked this earth.
Even before the child is born into this world, we worry about his well-being. We buy the most highly-recommended parenting books, we spend our days online trying to learn as much as we can about this new job we're getting. The best crib, breast-feeding like a pro, organic cotton clothes, organic food, sleeping routines, nursery rhymes books, best daycare, best school or homeschool and this goes on until they grow up and we start worrying about career choices and the friends they make.
Every step in our parenting journey is fraught with indecision and self-doubt.
And I realized this is wrong.
It's natural to try and learn from someone's experience, get advice, correct course, take a u turn if necessary.
What is wrong is the constant need to compare ourselves (and our children) with others. I am the only kind of mother I can be, no use trying to be like X or Y. I am different, my kids are different, our family is unique.
Much as I hate this, I tend to be very judgmental and often question decisions my friends make about their kids. I wouldn't do that, I say to myself. Or I would never allow that.
This is wrong, because, deep down, I know that, just like me, they're trying very hard, worry just as much and they're the best parents they can be.
