This here is the best burger ever created, without a doubt. Anyone who says otherwise is clearly delusional. Jokes aside, I grew up with this fish burger from McDonald's. As a child living in the sunny Orange County, California, I frequented the McDonald's near my house, always rushing out of the car, telling mom to get me "the usual," and diving into the ball pit, a perfect and colorful children's heaven had it not smelled like feet. Chucking red, blue, and yellow balls at my sister, I would have the time of my life as I also waved my arms and legs in a futile attempt to leave my impression in the form of a ball pit snow angel. I failed miserably every time.
Occupied in the play area, I would hear the faint sound of my mom calling for me to eat my meal, her distinct voice enunciating my distinct Korean name. Dragging myself out of the playground, half exhausted, half wanting to play more, and fully hungry, I took a seat at the table my parents had claimed. In my presence was my favorite burger, the Filet-O-Fish, sitting in its vegetable-less wonder. Buns, tartar sauce, a fish patty, and yellow cheese, in that order. One bite was all it took for me to forget about everything and savor that moment of bliss with my loving family.
Then one day, my parents notified me and my sister that we were moving to Korea. Within a month, we were on a Korean Air flight to Incheon Airport, where I began a new life in the foreign land of my citizenship. Everything happened so quickly that I didn't have much time to say goodbye to my friends. It was and still remains a blur to me.
Shockingly, McDonald's in Korea did not have my beloved Filet-O-Fish. They had Big Macs, chicken burgers (if that's what they're called), and everything else, but not my beloved Filet-O-Fish. I was disappointed, but hey, it's only a burger, I reminded myself. You'll get used to it. And so I did. I went on with life, finishing middle and high school in Korea and heading to college back in the States. Filet-O-Fish was no longer a part of my conscious life - it was a memory buried in a chest somewhere, waiting patiently to be pulled out and hugged again.
Many years went by as I finished college (I'm sure I ate Filet-O-Fish in college, but it didn't mean much to me then), completed military service, and attended graduate school. I was just living my normal life when I, a person who doesn't travel much, had the privilege of visiting Amsterdam for a little while with my good friend. Pulling our luggage across the glossy floor of the airport, the two hungry travelers picked a Dutch McDonald's as our dining place. We stood to order, and lo and behold, there was my Filet-O-Fish on the menu. Without a moment of hesitation, I placed my order and within five minutes, I had my tray.
The boxing, the smell, and the taste threw me back to my childhood days, back into the multicolored ball pit, back to the rotating seat where I devoured my Filet-O-Fish in seconds. Back to trouble-free happiness. It was as if I had yanked open that memory box of mine and pulled out the Filet-O-Fish and a bag of emotions along with it. It was certainly a weird feeling of nostalgia, serenity, and longing. It was but a measly burger, but that burger was an embodiment of my happy years. It was the trigger that flung me back to the good old days.
Coming out of a relationship, I realized that I have many Filet-O-Fishes. An Instagram post of a cute puppy, the model of the car she drove, a cafe we used to visit, the Netflix series we watched, the night river view. All these and more are Filet-O-Fishes that plunge me into a pool of memories, to a period when I was foolishly happy. A delicate smile runs across my face, but it dissolves into nothingness as I am reminded of the reality that I cannot go back. The happiness fades into sadness, a slight bitterness.
The cycle repeats itself every day as I bump into another Filet-O-Fish, but with the passing of time, I think the pleasant memories are overpowering the bad. Things are getting better. I hope that one day, I will run into a Filet-O-Fish and have a smile that remains. No sorrow, just happiness.
What are your Filet-O-Fishes? Why don't you take some time and think about items, places, or words that remind you of a happy memory. You may learn and feel a thing or two.
