Enough With Your Untidy Hedge and Rotten Fence
Dear Mrs Jackson,
I have always felt amused living near to you. You are the most useful neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your untidy hedge.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge is too untidy and your fence way too rotten. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a drumstick
I have to insist that you take action to stop your untidy hedge from upsetting me. I demand that you train the dog then cut down the hedge.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Little Oakley.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the council and post photos of your untidy hedge on Tumblr.
Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd