Enough With Your Smelly Walls and Tall Fence
Dear Ms Smith,
I have always felt overjoyed living near to you. You are the most bumpy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your drum playing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your walls is too smelly and your fence way too tall. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar
I have to insist that you take action to stop your drum playing from upsetting me. I demand that you train the dog then train the dog.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your unsightly garden ornament increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your drum playing on Tumblr.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd