Enough With Your Booming Drum Kit and Untidy Gerbils
Dear Mr Williams,
I have always felt elated living near to you. You are the most cool neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your drum kit is too booming and your gerbils way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a speaker
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you give up drum playing then take the fence down.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your inconsiderate dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Facebook.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd