Enough With Your Booming Sound-proofing and Dirty Hedge
Dear Mrs Jackson,
I have always felt annoyed living near to you. You are the most full neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your sound-proofing is too booming and your hedge way too dirty. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a speaker
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you train the dog then cut down the hedge.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your untidy hedge increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Little Oakley.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Twitter.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd